Trying

A stray to this household yet we bare the same last name
Confused on the apparent, I evade truth by pushing it away
Just wanting to be held, cradled even, without a doubt lingering in my mind
A dark figure that is of my loves seems clear yet hazy and hard to find
Giving him, pouring onto him, every bit of my soul
Hoping, wishing, dreaming that maybe a better chapter would unfold
So I could be eager enough to keep reading, hungry enough to keep feeding
Stronger enough to keep giving, barely human enough but keep bleeding
Aches to my heart long for a cure only he can prescribe
My all doesn’t seem to be enough no matter how much I try
So I keep trying.
Trying to show him, trying to give him the benefit of the wrong
Yet all the signs around me tell me that I should be moving on
I can’t. A girl with her heart on his sleeve
Yet I hold a hardened face hoping he doesn’t leave
I know I can do better, those I encounter tell me so
Yet I continue to fall for the same john doe
Let me know or let me go
I’m confused and alone.

Published by nyte

Born onto an African family, Nyte, a Harlem girl, has grown up all too fast and has had to be the mother, sister, and daughter of an abrupt household. Allowing both her pain and joy to leak through written word, she finds great relief in this mental and emotional form ventilation. "I'm not looking for credit or applause, I'm simply looking to get acknowledged for once. I'm tired of being held last and being brushed aside because I was too afraid to speak up. I just want to be heard, seen, listened to, understood, acknowledged because I do exist."

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