I was in a hurry the moment I met her in more ways then one. I even filled my car up with a full tank of kerosene at the gas station by mistake rushing to spend another day with who I thought was to be the love of my life. Violet Starr was the most beautiful troubled woman I had ever wanted to be with and I went to great lengths showing her how deeply I needed to be loved by her. This was no ordinary love, but in the end all of my infatuation and obsession to rescue this damsel in distress was really the spring point of reinventing me to be a better man in my future relationships.
My love or what I thought was true love for this thin 26 year old blue-eyed blonde had me in a whirlwind of chaos and complete desperateness to receive her kiss. It was never about getting laid for me because for two years this 35 year old lost puppy of a man followed her around without ever mentioning having sex with her. I was ready to begin a change in my life and when her 10 month old baby daughter called me daddy for the first time, my heart just melted and the first signs of becoming too happy began to show to family and friends around me at the time.
The first time I met Violet was when a buddy of mine made a call to score us some speed. She jumped into the back seat of my borrowed Grand Voyager to party with us and immediately our eyes locked together in the rear-view mirror as I drove and listened to her soul. It wasn’t long after until we would spend every moment together getting high and talking about quitting meth. We shared something in common when it came to freeing our spirits from this horrible drug. I was the only drug addict friend that was allowed to spend time over at her parent’s home where she lived on Grey Cloud Island in Cottage Grove, Minnesota and I was allowed a few sleepovers as long as we were in separate rooms. This really was Violet’s choice since her heart belonged to little Anne’s biological father who had beaten Violet severely months prior to me meeting her. He had left her for dead in a ditch on the side of a dirt road, yet she always continued to be drawn to him on and off throughout our duration. I wish I could say relationship, but no matter how much she appeared to have some love for me, it was always somewhat clear to me that I would only be the nice guy that finishes last. The in-between guy her parent’s wanted her to be with and maybe marry someday.
Her parents approved of me over the other riffraff that would sneak around to Violet’s back door maybe because after twenty years of working in the security field and mowing their lawn now and then, I showed them the same respect as I did to the public I worked for to make a decent living. Over time, I’ve learned that you really can’t have it both ways if you want your love to be true. It wasn’t until a social service worker took Violet’s sweet baby away that we needed to make a serious change in our lives to get Anne back and we did. Violet ended up in a Teen Challenge program for addicts and I went back to my life clean and sober thinking I would never heard from her again. That happiness I had being with her never faded even to this day, but I knew I had to stay focused on something good like staying on the straight and narrow. I kept the fate that we’d be together again someday without drugs and the cesspool of drug addict people we used to hang out with.
I was going on six months drug-free when the phone rang on New Year’s Eve, 2005. Violet drove over with an old beat-up car leaking gas with Anne and her first child, Tommy, a ten year old boy that took a liking to me she had with her high school sweetheart that had died from having a small heart. Doctor’s cancelled this young man’s heart transplant when they discovered marijuana in his system. I think that was when Violet’s life really began to take a turn for the worse and it wasn’t my place to fix it, but I tried anyways by being her best friend again, but sober this time. I even gave her my fairly new car my parents helped me buy since I was still being enabled at my age. Then my grandmother who loved Violet and her kids very much gave me her vehicle the Grand Voyager when she learned what I did for Violet. This caused a huge riff within my family which didn’t seem to bother me at all because I was extremely happier than ever having Violet back to some degree.
When I awoke the next morning on New Year’s Day after spending the evening at Camp Snoopy at the Mall of America with Violet and the kids, I knew something was different with me. Besides having the most vivid amazing dream in my life that lead me to posting pictures from magazines and cutting out positive power words within them including hanging up songs and poetry I wrote there was an ineffable energy flowing through me beyond any drug I had ever taken. Violet thought I was getting high again and so did the police when my mother had called them. Three weeks into that eccentric January of my life, I was told by doctors that I was too happy. The so-called medical term was bipolar disorder and they told me I would crash so I was given by force dangerous medications which drove me completely insane. I was in and out of psychiatric care for the following year fighting the system and losing touch with everyone around me including the woman of my dreams. My happiest day in my life was no longer meeting Violet; it was winning one of three court cases against my well-being and the fraud of psychiatry. To this day, I blame no one for what happened to me including myself. Things happen for a reason and there are people we meet along the way.
It took me some time to calm down enough without force meds to reconnect with Violet. Time had passed and she put on a lot of weight which didn’t bother me at all. I had been heavy most of my own life so I accepted and loved her unconditionally. I knew I wanted to be with her and grow old together raising her children. After my extraordinary experience and ordeal, my credit score was starting to get affected from defaulting on credit cards mainly from being locked up in a psych ward for three months without working or paying bills. The only card that I hadn’t been using to live off of through this madness and still had seven grand on it was the galleria of jewelry – my Jared credit line.
I picked out the biggest diamond ring nearly maxing out my Jared card and raced over to Violet’s new apartment the social service worker helped her get. I was very excited with what I was about to do, but I remained calm and waited until after we had dinner. Violet was washing the dishes and I was coloring with little Anne on the floor in the living room when I decided to go for it. I gave Anne the jewelry box with the ring in it and told her to give this to mommy. A few moments passed in dead silence. I got up and went to the kitchen getting down on one knee. Before I could even ask if Violet would marry me, she informed me of her pregnancy with Anne’s father and would have another girl.
After hours of tears and a sleepless night, I went back to the Jared Jewelry store the next day to return the item purchased. They were very nice to me and even mailed me a sympathy card later that week. If it wasn’t for my experience with Violet Starr years ago, I would have never paid $300 to get my gas tank drained of kerosene fuel oil. This may be a certain level of love most people would regret, but not for me. It’s just the beginning for more love to spring spontaneously from within.
2012 – Actor Rich Love Coming Soon!