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Lost Rose

catherine anne hayes — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:26:27 +0000

Frost glazed everything in sight
in the garden
crunched like glass under
her feet as she walked the paths
in the late November afternoon
she walked aimlessly
sadly
lonely
her heart and soul feeling
empty
void of love
as she loooked all around
at the pearl gray misted sky
the brown trees bereft of leaves
the tired bushes
the dried out flowers sleeping
till next spring
she thought…
“Is this all there is? Is there nothing left?
Is there no hope left for me?”
A sad sigh
A single tear slips down her soft chilled cheek
Suddenly
out of the corner of her eye
she sees a tiny spash of colour
without thinking
she is drawn to it
and then she is next to it
a single rose
a single last surviving
lost rose
clinging on to life
fighting
blazing in all it’s glory
she took in it’s lush fragrance
It filled her with warmth
It started hope within her again
She thought
If this single lost rose
can find a reason to survive
in this cold bleakness
so can I
She rubbed the rose against her cheek
then softly kissed it
A single ray of golden sunlight breaks
through…
Hope does spring anew.

Thinking Of You

catherine anne hayes — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 15:31:09 +0000

Thinking of you
turns
my blood to fire
and
I am all lit up
Restless
Wanting
in my bed
when
I should be in yours
Yes
Right now
Lips touching
Tongues dancing
Bodies meshing
Heat blending with heat

Come to me
Now
Bring me to your bed
End this waiting
this torment
Fill me up with you
Now
Please
Come to me

Middle of The Night Musings

catherine anne hayes — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 07:05:12 +0000

The Middle of the night
and I am awake again
Restless
Changes
so many, many changes
that are going to happen
it is good that they are happening
but
some I am not ready for
and
some I am hurt and scarred deeply by
Changes
They must happen
I am scared
but they must happen
Life goes on
I must go on
I do not want to live this life anymore
I can’t anymore
It hurts too much
It chokes me
Drowns me
Drags me down
I want to be free
Free from hurt
Free from bounds
Free from screaming voices
I want to live again
I want to feel alive again
I want to be myself again

I Will Not Disappear

catherine anne hayes — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 02:34:39 +0000

Before I lock the door forever that you have closed
I want to say that as much as you try
you will not be able to make me disappear.
I am a part of you as you are a part of me.
We have a past.
We have blood.
My echo is in those walls.
Yes
they belong to you.
All yours.
I do not want them.
But
they are a part of my past
and that
you can not obliterate
as much as you try.
You can not stop
my thoughts
my feelings
my heart
as much as you try.
You say I have hurt you
For the hurts I have caused
I am truly sorry
but
I will not own ones
that you think I have caused.
I can not take responsibility
for a hurt your child accuses me of
when
I do not know what it is.
I refuse to.
Speaking of your child…
I for six years willingly and lovingly
took care of and raised your child
so you could return to school
I encouraged you to do so
when you were down
and felt you could not
continue you
I encouraged you more
I knew you could make it through
I knew you could succeed
and you did
I was so proud of you
and I still am
but you did not want to
know from my pride in you
Now when I try to speak to you
to try speak to you slam the phone
Never letting me say what we both need to hear
You call and do all the talking
then you slam the phone
You have done that
all our lives.
Running in doing your damage
then running out.
You have cause me hurts too
and I am in a wheelchair because
of one of those hurts
as much as you
tried to deny it
deep down
you know it is the truth
even your child knows
and saw when it happened.
Mom saw it happen too.
But you know?
I forgave you
I didn’t have to.
I was advised not to
but I did
you are my blood
I love you
again I had to protect you.
How many times have I protected you.
You know what I am talking about.
It is over now.
You have ended it.
This is your doing.
I have always been willing to find a common ground
but that ground could only exist if I backed down
and I refuse to back down anymore and not be an equal.
Yes I am very sad at this
and I have cried painful tears
but my tears will dry
and my pain will heal
and so…
Good Bye
I do love you.
I wish you well
but remember
this is your doing.
You have to live with this.
Not me
and as much as you try
you are not going to be able to forget me.
You are not going to be able to make me disappear.

All Yours

catherine anne hayes — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 02:34:25 +0000

I am waiting for you in my bed.
My eyes look directly at you.
My arms lift
beckoning
Come to me
Lift my dress off of me
Kiss me
Suck my breath into you
Dance with my tongue
Push me down against the pillows
Run your hands down my body
Own it
Possess it
Possess me
Yes
Open me up
Use your hands
Coax me
Fondle and kiss my breasts
Take and suckle till I cry out
Tease
Caress
Hear me whimper
Feel me tremble
My legs fall open
Slid your hand down
Find my secrets
Tease me
Torment me
Slip inside and discover my pearl
Roll it in your fingers
Feel me shake
Feel me gush
Moan
Beg
Please
Please
Please
Take me
Yes
Fill me up
Tight
All the way in
Yes
Move me
Move in me
Oh Yes
Oh Yes
Leave nothing untouched
Undiscovered
Kiss me again
Ride me hard
Claim me
Mark me
Yes
Yes
Yes
Yours…all yours
I am yours…

Trouble

catherine anne hayes — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 18:12:24 +0000

Trouble…
Trouble I am
his kind of trouble…
Tempting?
Oh yeah…
With a tilt of my head
and slow
sultry smile
He was definitely gone
and
totally mine
But
the minute he touched
me
the tables were
turned
He became MY kind of
trouble
What I secretly
yearned…
With
slow, sultry kisses
and
mesmerizing motions
He made sweet love
to me
and
I felt
all
his strong
but
tender emotions.
So
I very elated
and
full of wonder too
gave all
that I am
AND
all
I have
to him too.

Now
in the dark of night
blissfully
reflecting content
on our
luscious
heavenly
time together
very well spent
To me
the word “trouble”
will not
be
the same
When I think of us
it will
always
be
our
very own name.

2 June 2011 copyright catherine anne hayes

I Am Not….I AM!!!

catherine anne hayes — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 17:29:13 +0000

You who look at me
with
such contempt
You who does
not know
my soul
How
my heart beats!

I am more
than
my size
my weight
my sex
my orientation
my colour
my race
my creed
my religion…

I am
the force that creates life
I am
the wind that pushes the clouds and moves the oceans
I am
the milk of the earth that feeds millions
I am
the comforter who heals ills
I am
the worrier that conquers tyrants and protects the weak
I am
the fire that burns away the cold and warms the soul
I am
love…pure…indestructible…infinite…love

I AM YOU…YOU ARE ME…ONE…THE SAME TOGETHER!!!

5/27/2011 copyright catherine anne hayes

I Didn’t Know

catherine anne hayes — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 17:29:13 +0000

I didn’t know I was different
till I was thirty three
when I was hired to work
in a well known store
back in the early 90′s
because
my skin was lighter than everyones…
I was the token

Token…
What is that word…
A thing of affection?
or
a word of shame?
well
I felt shame
and hurt
and
disappointment…

Disappointment that I was so
naive
Disappointment that
in this day and age
tokens
still exist
and
most importantly
I wondered…
How LONG will they?

It doesn’t matter
what colour
the token is
or shape
it takes
what matters is
we should have
NO NEED
of tokens
except
ones of love…
or
to get on the bus or subway…

In The Nick Of Time

catherine anne hayes — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 17:29:13 +0000

In the nick of time
the key
to me was found
and
I found joy again
I thought
it was lost forever
covered by
sadness
illness and pain
covering me
with
premature endings
but
I guess
I was wrong
blissfully…
blatantly……
blessedly…
wrong…
In the nick of time
I found the key
In the nick of time
I took the key
and
bravely let it
insert itself
open me
again
and God
IT FELT GOOD!!

I am not in hibernation anymore!!

In The Nick of Time Number Two

catherine anne hayes — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 17:29:13 +0000

I thought I never would have
such sweetness again
even just once more
but I did
Ever gentle
soft
but strong
with the first touch
I was lost
I opened my eyes
to see if he was
real
and he was
and was warm
and solid
and he took me
surrounded me
brought me in
went into my depths
where my secrets hid
Did he know they
were there?
Mayybe he did
Maybe he didn’t
but
he was perfect
For this moment
Just what I needed
What I was finally ready for
Again
Finally
He was a precious gift
Will he and his sweetness
be back?
who knows
It is all right
I AM all right now
I am WHOLE again
He came at the right time
In the nick of time

What Do I Say

catherine anne hayes — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 17:29:13 +0000

What do I say about you..
how you found
my secret pool of desire
and deeply dipped into it’s
depths
to fervently
stir up
what has laid calm in me
way too long

You have found me out
and I am…
breathless…
Your eyes hold me
captive…
I find myself becoming
yours willing…
Take me…
With your hands
touch me
where you will…
Kiss Me
Open Me
Drink Me
Enter Me
Brand Me

I am ready for you now…
No more waiting…
You have woken
me up……
Let us begin.

1 June 2011 copyright catherine anne hayes

When One Is Inspired Beauty Is Born

catherine anne hayes — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 17:29:13 +0000

When
one is inspired
beauty is born
and
because of you
I
am giving birth
Such thoughts
are forming in
my mind
Words flowing
through
my fingers like
magic

Beauty is within
me
Planted by your
desire
for me
There is nothing
I can not articulate
can not formulate
can not create

I am empowered
to spin scintillating tales
and magical stories
Make sweet intense love
with
words woven with passion

With you
in my minds eye
and
inside my core
I write down the first words
and it all begins…

2 June 2011 copyright catherine anne hayes

My Rapture

catherine anne hayes — Sat, 21 May 2011 18:50:21 +0000

I will not live my last hours
in fear
but full of love…
I will hold close what and who is
dear to me…
Appreciate all that has
been given to me
in this life…
These are not the end days
but
the beginning of new ones…
I am not sad or fearful…
I am happy…
I am love…

For Eddie Boucher 3/14/2011 A Friend, A Brother in law

catherine anne hayes — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 01:36:16 +0000

The memory I have of the 4 of us
is this….
Years ago
on a weekend night after dinner
in your living room
a bit tipsy
a little high
“Rumours” on the stereo
Your 2 sweet daughters
in the other room playing
and getting ready for bed
Suddenly
bursting into the run
blonde curls flyings
giggling and thrusting themselves
into arms willing
to give good night kisses and cuddles
She stands in the door
Watching the scene
mother love glowing on her face
she sings along to the music
and he notices
and starts to sing with her
dance with her
the girls snuggle on our laps
and watch their parents dance
something special is happening
this night
a twinkle in his eye
an answering one in hers…….
a blessed moment
We leave them alone
and put the girls to bed
We leave the music
We leave the magic
of the 2 of them
soon to create another
a beautiful baby girl

Blessed and magic moments
are to be remembered and loved
Thank you for this one Eddie

God Speed Eddie. May you enjoy yourself up there in heaven with all your family especially with our beautiful Stacey!

All our love, Cathie & Walter

To Donna, Cassady, Kayla, Eve and Shea for John Thomas Kelly Jr. 3/6/2011

catherine anne hayes — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 03:14:10 +0000

I remember us as children…
Dancing to merry tunes
and
wearing pristine white dresses
like little brides on our First Communion Day…
and
kelly green Girl Scout uniforms….
You with
bouncing brown curls
and shining eyes
the rosiest cheeks
and
the sweetest of smiles…
Who grew up
and a wonderful man fell in love
with you
and you with him…
You both forged out in this
beautiful land to
God’s own country
and made a beautiful life
with
your lovely daughters
you were blessed with….
But who knows why
things happen to
the kindest and nicest of men…
I pray God I knew…
I wish I could take
your pain away
like I took your hand
in our childhood games
and dances…
Instead
I take you and your daughters
into my heart
and my soul
and share my light within
to help light yours
to remind you
he is there too
The light within shines eternal
like God’s love
always
within
always
around
never
ever
ending…

All my love…..Cathie Hayes Ulasinski

Hiding Amongst Words

catherine anne hayes — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:13:05 +0000

I am no where to be found
as I
disappearing in between
the space of
inconsequential words
and
thoughtless feelings

Barely as a shadow
I exist
and only flutter
to life
when
a true kindness
is said
and tentatively
become content

Warmth flows in
and I am
whole
for a while
till
the next time
when
reminded

It begins again

I slip
back in the shadows
and slip between
the cold comfort
of
the inconsequential words
and hide.

Letting Go

catherine anne hayes — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:12:36 +0000

No more will I look to mountain tops
and think of wild kisses
and shivers down my spine
No more will a song cause me to
pause
and remember
for
I am finally letting go
after all this time
I know now
we
were never to be
we were just
a brief
dream
a
wonderful
magical
dream
but
now
as all good things do
it ends
So
my loving
beautiful
exquisite
friend
I am
letting you go
I am saying
my sweet
good bye…

Dearest James, Jackie & Family

catherine anne hayes — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 02:11:44 +0000

Even thought
She has left this life
She is not gone
She has not
left you
She glows
inside you
She shines so bright
She is your light within
Feel her warmth
Take heart
You
Are never alone
Her love is in you
Around you
Always
Infinitely

Be not sad
Celebrate her
Honour her
by living your life
the way SHE wanted
You to live it
And that
is to be
Happy
Joyful
Full of Love

With much love…Cathie and Walter, Bella & Tony.

For Lil’ Buddy

catherine anne hayes — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 19:03:56 +0000

On a cold February afternoon 2 years ago
our lives were forever changed when
we saw your picture
we fell in love
a phone call made and lots of questions
Then off in the car
half our later you are here
you are home
our Lil’ Buddy
scared
dirty
hurting
hungry
shaking
With one tiny step at a time and lots of love
and care you bloomed
and grew to trust us
and love us…
with Bella Bird we were a family
A wonderful loving family for 2 magical years
of many cuddles, kisses, giggles, adventures, sharing food…
parties with friends
and times of companionable silence…
A blessed shining 2 years
whose light has dulled now
You are gone now our precious Lil’Buddy
Gone from this life
but a light in our hearts…
We love you..
We will never forget you sweet Bud Bud.

4 Feb 2010 Copyright catherine hayes ulasins

For Stacy

catherine anne hayes — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 21:26:27 +0000

How do I find the words…
Describe what stirs inside
of me
as I think of you
now gone
suddenly…
Tinkling laughter heard
and
sweet music remembered
from years back created
by you…
A sweet smile…
A very bright child…
A protective sister…
Rebellious daughter
but loving
yes loving…
Confusion sets in
Many waves of confusion
with building blocks of
stubborness and
non communication…
The pain of it all
then YOU putting out
your light…WHY?
Dear girl…
Still VERY MUCH
LOVED girl…
For loving you
NEVER stopped…
Things got in
the way…
Now is the time to soothe
the hurts…
Do not blame
Remember the good
Forgive
Someday
Go to the light
Rest
Be at peace…

8 January 2011 copyright catherine anne hayes