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R.I.P Steve Jobs 1955 – 2011

jblu — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 06:06:11 +0000

He Went To Jared

Rich Love — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 02:36:37 +0000

I was in a hurry the moment I met her in more ways then one. I even filled my car up with a full tank of kerosene at the gas station by mistake rushing to spend another day with who I thought was to be the love of my life. Violet Starr was the most beautiful troubled woman I had ever wanted to be with and I went to great lengths showing her how deeply I needed to be loved by her. This was no ordinary love, but in the end all of my infatuation and obsession to rescue this damsel in distress was really the spring point of reinventing me to be a better man in my future relationships.
My love or what I thought was true love for this thin 26 year old blue-eyed blonde had me in a whirlwind of chaos and complete desperateness to receive her kiss. It was never about getting laid for me because for two years this 35 year old lost puppy of a man followed her around without ever mentioning having sex with her. I was ready to begin a change in my life and when her 10 month old baby daughter called me daddy for the first time, my heart just melted and the first signs of becoming too happy began to show to family and friends around me at the time.
The first time I met Violet was when a buddy of mine made a call to score us some speed. She jumped into the back seat of my borrowed Grand Voyager to party with us and immediately our eyes locked together in the rear-view mirror as I drove and listened to her soul. It wasn’t long after until we would spend every moment together getting high and talking about quitting meth. We shared something in common when it came to freeing our spirits from this horrible drug. I was the only drug addict friend that was allowed to spend time over at her parent’s home where she lived on Grey Cloud Island in Cottage Grove, Minnesota and I was allowed a few sleepovers as long as we were in separate rooms. This really was Violet’s choice since her heart belonged to little Anne’s biological father who had beaten Violet severely months prior to me meeting her. He had left her for dead in a ditch on the side of a dirt road, yet she always continued to be drawn to him on and off throughout our duration. I wish I could say relationship, but no matter how much she appeared to have some love for me, it was always somewhat clear to me that I would only be the nice guy that finishes last. The in-between guy her parent’s wanted her to be with and maybe marry someday.
Her parents approved of me over the other riffraff that would sneak around to Violet’s back door maybe because after twenty years of working in the security field and mowing their lawn now and then, I showed them the same respect as I did to the public I worked for to make a decent living. Over time, I’ve learned that you really can’t have it both ways if you want your love to be true. It wasn’t until a social service worker took Violet’s sweet baby away that we needed to make a serious change in our lives to get Anne back and we did. Violet ended up in a Teen Challenge program for addicts and I went back to my life clean and sober thinking I would never heard from her again. That happiness I had being with her never faded even to this day, but I knew I had to stay focused on something good like staying on the straight and narrow. I kept the fate that we’d be together again someday without drugs and the cesspool of drug addict people we used to hang out with.
I was going on six months drug-free when the phone rang on New Year’s Eve, 2005. Violet drove over with an old beat-up car leaking gas with Anne and her first child, Tommy, a ten year old boy that took a liking to me she had with her high school sweetheart that had died from having a small heart. Doctor’s cancelled this young man’s heart transplant when they discovered marijuana in his system. I think that was when Violet’s life really began to take a turn for the worse and it wasn’t my place to fix it, but I tried anyways by being her best friend again, but sober this time. I even gave her my fairly new car my parents helped me buy since I was still being enabled at my age. Then my grandmother who loved Violet and her kids very much gave me her vehicle the Grand Voyager when she learned what I did for Violet. This caused a huge riff within my family which didn’t seem to bother me at all because I was extremely happier than ever having Violet back to some degree.
When I awoke the next morning on New Year’s Day after spending the evening at Camp Snoopy at the Mall of America with Violet and the kids, I knew something was different with me. Besides having the most vivid amazing dream in my life that lead me to posting pictures from magazines and cutting out positive power words within them including hanging up songs and poetry I wrote there was an ineffable energy flowing through me beyond any drug I had ever taken. Violet thought I was getting high again and so did the police when my mother had called them. Three weeks into that eccentric January of my life, I was told by doctors that I was too happy. The so-called medical term was bipolar disorder and they told me I would crash so I was given by force dangerous medications which drove me completely insane. I was in and out of psychiatric care for the following year fighting the system and losing touch with everyone around me including the woman of my dreams. My happiest day in my life was no longer meeting Violet; it was winning one of three court cases against my well-being and the fraud of psychiatry. To this day, I blame no one for what happened to me including myself. Things happen for a reason and there are people we meet along the way.
It took me some time to calm down enough without force meds to reconnect with Violet. Time had passed and she put on a lot of weight which didn’t bother me at all. I had been heavy most of my own life so I accepted and loved her unconditionally. I knew I wanted to be with her and grow old together raising her children. After my extraordinary experience and ordeal, my credit score was starting to get affected from defaulting on credit cards mainly from being locked up in a psych ward for three months without working or paying bills. The only card that I hadn’t been using to live off of through this madness and still had seven grand on it was the galleria of jewelry – my Jared credit line.
I picked out the biggest diamond ring nearly maxing out my Jared card and raced over to Violet’s new apartment the social service worker helped her get. I was very excited with what I was about to do, but I remained calm and waited until after we had dinner. Violet was washing the dishes and I was coloring with little Anne on the floor in the living room when I decided to go for it. I gave Anne the jewelry box with the ring in it and told her to give this to mommy. A few moments passed in dead silence. I got up and went to the kitchen getting down on one knee. Before I could even ask if Violet would marry me, she informed me of her pregnancy with Anne’s father and would have another girl.
After hours of tears and a sleepless night, I went back to the Jared Jewelry store the next day to return the item purchased. They were very nice to me and even mailed me a sympathy card later that week. If it wasn’t for my experience with Violet Starr years ago, I would have never paid $300 to get my gas tank drained of kerosene fuel oil. This may be a certain level of love most people would regret, but not for me. It’s just the beginning for more love to spring spontaneously from within.

2012 – Actor Rich Love Coming Soon!
www.doyoufeartheunknown.com (VOICE)

A Short Oath To Music

Rolando Rosario — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 19:50:35 +0000

Sometimes the right song plays at the right moment with the right feeling taking over you. I am emotionally attached to music as I think we all are. For it is only a song that can express your emotions as no other art form can. It is only a song that people refer to as being exactly how they feel. And when the right song plays at the right moment it can be life changing.

Two hearts can fall in love, a soul that is lost can be found, strength, happiness, forgiveness, sadness, sex, and remorse can all be found in a song. A thought or expression can be broadcasted to millions with the power of music. A companion for life’s everyday victories and defeats. Music is a melody full of memories with a harmonizing ability to help forget the bad notes.

A song can spark a nation, bring awareness, or simply mend a broken heart. Music truly has no limits no matter what genre, what format, what language or what level of listeners it has. It only takes one set of ears to be affected by one song. It only takes one artist making a connection with one listener for music to matter. Music is the beat of life. Everything has a sound, everything makes noise, everything makes music.

THE RAPTURE

Rolando Rosario — Sat, 21 May 2011 13:06:56 +0000

Welcome to the final hours of the apocalypse. It is time to see what really matters when time is truly of the essence. When twenty-four hours fades into twelve hours and that handful of places that you once had to be all mesh into one.
Will where you go?. Will you spend your final hours with a group of friends and family, will you spend them alone, or will you spend them with that one person who means more to you than the world itself?
Will you trap yourself in a moment of fear as the last minutes tick into seconds, or will nothing else matter but that moment and the rest of the world can go F itself like it’s already doing. In a moment your life can change as the old saying goes and this happens to people everyday, whether for good or bad, whether a huge tragedy or a mere inconvenience, whether a moment of happiness or a lifetime of pleasure our life’s can change within seconds. And if it so happens to change today, and the world truly does become a place of its former self. I wish to all that survive to refrain from being as ugly as the world maybe. I hope that you think back to your moments before the end and that they were wonderful.

I hope that boy had finally shed is fears and declared his love for the girl next door. I hope that man stuck between two loves, his job and his family made the right decision. I hope that married couple who had been together forever got to lay in bed and hold each other one last time. And I hope that you, you reading this have found your happiness. If the world does not end today than I hope that this has scarred enough fear out of you to live life. Tell that girl that you love her, drop the job that does not matter and pursue your dreams, open your eyes to new experiences and indulge them before its too late. Time is not guaranteed, and I would hate to see you place things for a later date that may never come. So live for today, and not an unpromised tomorrow.

Random and Mr. Miranda (Mirandom) – Wednesday (Official Video)

jblu — Wed, 18 May 2011 07:13:59 +0000

Beware of the Yellow Rabbit – Movie Trailer

jblu — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 07:37:18 +0000

Harold Crumb Trailer from Christopher Jopp on Vimeo.

“Sometimes it takes a mid-life crisis to the point of losing yourself to find yourself.”
- Rich Love

Graffiti or Art?

jblu — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 01:43:52 +0000

Last weekend I decided to take a little trip to Los Angeles and shoot some street photography. I was captivated by the bright colors and edgy design.

Is this Graffiti or Art?

Japan Tsunamis | massive quake hits Japan

jblu — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 12:32:55 +0000

@)!!

Rolando Rosario — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 05:59:20 +0000

Another year lost causes you to reflect on the past. What could you have done to make this year a little better. What could you have done to make this year and past years a little more successful. The ending of a year is like the ending of a chapter. It is exciting in a perspective to see what the next chapter will bring, but it is unsettling when you think about all the chapters you have already passed and what their conclusions were.

Depression comes with a new year. You think about the time you wasted, the time you are wasting and it demolishes you. You become a little fixated on the past until you realize there is a future. There is still a chapter you have not written. There is still a fresh sheet of unmarked paper in front of you. The title reads 2011, but it is up to you to fill the rest of the pages. The question now is how will you feel in 2011. Will you once again look back in remorse before shrugging it off and moving ahead? Or will there be no need for remorse? Will the only thing on your mind be conquering the chapter ahead reading 2012 as you did 2011’s?

AT MY FUNERAL

Rolando Rosario — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 02:28:57 +0000

I do not want to fade away. But I am already gone. I am the wind that whispers as you slumber. I am the moment that you remember that causes you to smile. I am a moment in time that you wish you can relive but you never can. The sun will still rise tomorrow and the moon will still take over that night, but I will not return. I am gone, but I still live within you. My heart may no longer beat, and my lungs may no longer breath, but I still live inside you. I may no longer write. My words may no longer be heard or read, but hopefully what I leave behind is still cherished, still adored. I never wanted much from life. I just wanted the chance to live free, the chance to be read, and the chance to breath. I hope I fulfilled my wishes. Goodbye and God bless.

THE EVOLUTION OF MAN

Rolando Rosario — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 01:00:17 +0000

My pants once sagged below my waste catered by a belt and firearm. I once thought that life ended at twenty one. I once believed in easy money. I once believed that guerillas only win. But what I have come to realize like many other young people will once their thoughts become ripened. Once they realize what is bullshit, and once they are able to separate it from what really matters. They will realize that everything is bullshit. A piece of mind is something that cannot be brought. It cannot be borrowed, or stolen.

To be able to shed yourself. To come from behind the toys you once used to define you. The clothes you wore and the slang you used. Many people never grow. They never mature and stay trapped in an unflattering place. We all have seen the old nigger on the corner. The forty year old, dressed like a eighteen year old, with mind of a sixteen year old. The word Nigga is either the introduction or conclusion to all his sentences, and profanities fill in the gaps. He is the man we all laugh at. The man that when we are young we vow to not become and we are older we pity. He is the man that will die and nobody will notice because another will take his place. Ignorance is his captive. The lack of wanting more and the enthusiasm to pursue it is his handicap. He is the fail of evolution.

To evolve is to grow. To evolve is to take the things you experience, the things you witness and apply them to your person. Maturity comes with righteous thinking. You must attack a situation, a problem, or just everyday life with intelligence. Aggression will get you nothing more than sore fist and an aching brow. This is no longer a country of stone throwing cave men or slug shooting cowboys. We have evolved. Only the animals still show their teeth and fight with their fist. We are an age of lawyers and lawsuits. We have armed ourselves with camcorders and camera phones to capture our assailants and subject them to capital punishment. The people still take the law into their hands at times. They still find themselves wrestling in the wild now and again. But when the dust settles and the smoke clears, they take that experience and they evolve from it.

Thanksgiving

jblu — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 15:02:36 +0000

I’m thankful for my loving family , friends and great memories of those who are no longer here!

Black President, White America

Rolando Rosario — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 21:46:49 +0000

I sit alone on a cloud over looking the world. The air is still and the night is quiet. All the eyes in the world hold golden slumbers but mines. I stay awake as the worlds worries. I am the cannon ball of a country as it dives into troubled waters. I am the storm that creeps in discouraging the big black ship of hope. That search and rescue vessel you voted your prayers on to save you. I am the white thunder and lightning who enhances the storm. The captain seems beaten now. He has battled this storm for two long years and with every inch he gains a piece of his vessel was lost. A piece of himself.
Before he embarked on this journey he was already at a lost. His age, his experience were all scrutinized. And I was the one that did it. I was the pictures of a Muslim and the questions with no answers. I was the big racist remark in the room that nobody said but everyone thought of. I was a old white house with no wish on being coated a new shade of black. I was set in my ways. They may not have been ways that necessarily work, but they were my ways none the less.
Now I am still the same stubborn image that refuses to change. I am a legacy of white wigs and red blood. I am a legacy of paper and ink, a legacy of famous quotes and one liners that rattled a nation. The revolution will not be televised, and neither will change. For the one soul who believed he could venture out and save those under water. Who believed he could bring a new way.
Hello,……..I am America.

FALL OF A NATION

Rolando Rosario — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 22:49:58 +0000

The crowd roared for answers.The people, the people finally stood up for something.They finally stopped being stepped on and spit at. This dictatorial of democracy was nothing more than a reign of corruption.They all knew that their politics, their state, city, and town representatives where all BS. Hungry rabid dogs who ate from the hands of bribery and shit the remains on the people.Tax hikes, pay cut’s, job losses, all plagued which was once such a profitable and happy community.
At one time the people of this land held their heads high. They looked upon one another as a friend working towards the same goal. But those days have long deceased and the back handing from the government, the congress, the city, and state has left the once humble streets a war zone.
Families blunder and kill, not for riches or from insanity. But for food and water. The average man now travels to one of the few jobs available no longer with a briefcase and coffee cup, but a prayer and firearm. I have witnessed the changes in our community first hand. A downwards spiral that suppresses us and continues to do so. A man is only limited by his vision, and ours is dimming. The whole world is becoming the dim dark place that I always perceived it was, it is just that now every one else can see it. I guess at one time a world like this will be of the norm. The babies of now will have babies of then that will be raised in unforgiving times.For the next generation that inherits the bull shit of this one.Please, let me be the first to apologize.

Careerbuilder.com – Data Security issues

jblu — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 02:11:02 +0000

Careerbuilder.com has database security issues in which fraudulent employers are soliciting innocent individuals to cash checks on behalf of individuals outside of the United States. So far Career Builder has not acknowledged this issue.

It seems that the economy is finally making an upward turn and employers are hiring again. On June 10th 2010 I decided that it was time to update my resume and post it on Careerbuilder.com. I’m currently employed however it’s always good practice to keep an eye out for new opportunities. On June 11th I received a suspicious email from someone posing as an employer. Here is the email I received below (i’ve excluded my full name):

” Hi (Full Name),

For more than 10 years Condition Express Inc. makes its business by processing with non-standard banking services around the world. We are expanding our firm and grant a range of new services in the United States. Transfer of money for non U.S. citizens with the US check is one of our new
turns. For this reason our firm has some vacancies of “Check Processing Manager”.

Your responsibilities are:
To receive a check by USPS to cash this check
To transfer money to the client the way he/she chooses
To make a special formed records on the carried out
work for every check

Staff requirements:
To have real address in the US
From 1 to 2 hours daily
To have Positive credit history

Your advantages:
The payment of 100 $ – 500 $ daily Payment of at least 3 000 $
Couple of working hours
We take care of all the taxes on the converts you carry
out.
If this vacancy is interesting for you and you want to step please, create an account at our webpage and continue everything in line with the instructions.
With best wishes,
TOP MANAGER
EXIM Exchange Compan

EXIM Exchange Company Limited is a fully owned subsidiary company of Export Import Bank of Bangladesh Ltd. Canada Bangladeshi Community involved with the development of the Bangladesh economy through the remittance of foreign exchange and trade finance. In order to remit their foreign currency we provide excellent remittance service to the Canada Bangladeshi Community. “

I’ve spent many years in the financial services industry. The e-mail above is obviously a highly illegal scam to say the least. Minutes after I received the fraudulent email I emailed the Career Builder security team (TSST@CareerBuilder.com). I provided the entire email along with the long header data. Here is another example email I received on June 14th:

” Dear (Full Name),

We have found your resume in careerbuilder.com,CareerBuilder database reviewed it and sure that you to be a great applicant for this position which we offer.
Our Organization are currently looking for a few qualified persons for a vacant position “Account Coordinator”.

The main task of this position is to collect payments bank transfers and checks from our customers in US. If you don’t have checking account our manager will help you to open a new one.

Average salary is $600-$800 per week.

General Requirements:

- Age: 21+
- Ability to work at home
- Computer skills MS Word personal e-mail address
- Responsibility
- US Citizenship

ALL FEES PAID BY US

If you want to join our team please register here “

In short, some job seeker that is desperate for a job may fall of this scheme and eventually get arrested. Here is a snippet courtesy of the United States Treasury – OFAC:

” The Office of Foreign Assets Control (“OFAC”) of the US Department of the Treasury administers and enforces economic and trade sanctions based on US foreign policy and national security goals against targeted foreign countries and regimes, terrorists, international narcotics traffickers, those engaged in activities related to the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction, and other threats to the national security, foreign policy or economy of the United States. OFAC acts under Presidential national emergency powers, as well as authority granted by specific legislation, to impose controls on transactions and freeze assets under US jurisdiction. “

I have not received a response from Career Builder regarding this issue, but I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

Tiger Speaks + A Side Piece Reacts

Kellie — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 01:22:47 +0000

So by now we have all seen/read or heard people talking about Tiger’s apology. At first I wasnt even going to tune in, but I did. But I’m just wondering why in the hell he needed to apologize to US? Us being the public. His infidelity didnt harm us, it harmed his wife and family. The only apology that needs to be said is directed towards his wife. Why do we even care? Well..because the media bombarded us with this story ever since it broke. I ran across an article that said “On the 84th day Tiger finally spoke,” seriously? We were counting the days?!? It’s really not that serious people.

Im assuming his PR reps may have pushed him to deliver a public apology, but I really dont think it was necessary. True, he messed up. Infidelity is NEVER a good thing….but the issues that arise from his “transgressions” should have been kept between him and his wife. What is he apologizing to us for??? I wish him the best and there is no doubt in my mind that Tiger will be just fine. And as we all know Tiger is NOT the first athlete/public figure to cheat. He did what he did…what’s done is done! There is no need for the media to still shine a bright ass light on him and his life. We dont need body language experts to analyze him, we dont need all that. Let the man move on!

One person that needs to move on is Veronica Siwik-Daniels, the porn star aka Joslyn James, that Tiger had an affair with. She CLAIMS she was preggers twice by Tiger..but boo boo how can we prove that now?? Anway, I was watching Tiger on FOX and right after he was done speaking, they switched to Veronica and her attorney, Gloria Allred, who reacted to Tiger’s apology. I couldnt help but laugh my ass off at this woman. Why? Well for one Veronica feels that she deserves a face to face apology from Tiger….not gonna happen. Two, she is broken-hearted because Tiger lied to her about being the only one (aside from his wife), she quit her job as a porn star (she claims Tiger didnt want her to have sex with other men, on film or otherwise), she went into hiding and had no income. She feels as though she doesnt deserve all this…all this meaning…the hurt and pain that Tiger caused. Ummm Im sorry but I dont feel sorry for her. For one….you’re a porn star….Im sure you wont have any problem receiving income quickly…you’re a PORN STAR…you can get more work. She made it seem like she quit a Fortune 500 company….*rolls eyes*….You were/are an adult entertainer! And why the hell does Tiger owe you an apology? These groupies kill me! You voluntarily became a sideline ho, you knew EXACTLY what you were getting into. That man does NOT owe you an apology. You WILLINGLY put yourself in the position that you’re in. Girl stop!

Yeah yeah Tiger spoke out….and Veronica needs to have a seat!

But the real question: Where’s Tiger’s golf clubs? Get back in the game!

Respecting Oneself Is Far From Narcissism

Geo. E. Burks — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:01:05 +0000

I say to no one in general nor directly, I love myself; then a thought occurred, “Am I boasting?”
So, I asked another, “Hey, Am I boasting when I proclaimed “I love myself?”
He looked at me as to sized me up and ask me, “what you think?”
I answered, “that why I asking you. Am I boasting was my immediate thought after the statement?” He look around the cafe we was in and excuse himself, then joined a table with an attracive female sitting alone with no other words then “excuse me,” while pointing at her.
I was sure at that time for certainty that that question shouldn’t be asked again. I then given a quick thought about the statement and then felt a little happiness physically swelling within me.
I then loudly said in that public place, “I love myself!”
After that it didn’t matter what others nor I would conceived of the statement. The statement was one of those nice feeling emotion, which is a life of one’s own.

YOU LIVE, YOU DIE

Geo. E. Burks — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 16:43:19 +0000

That old concern as defintive verb.
Hasnt lost any luster in any era by an occur.
Power politics within pérsonalized compromises.
An empty courage in the realistic eyes.
A signalized threat as our natural sorceries
Most religious are spurn for this nature’s inconvience.
Yet some does realized their own vanity under this mortality’s summarized.
With all gains are valueless to everyone’s priceless life with you live, you die.

Written by George Eddie Burks Of St. Micheal’s Church Post 201, Chicago, Illinois.

When All You Have Are Your Demons.

Rolando Rosario — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 01:17:04 +0000

A man fallen from the edge of humanity. A speck in the food chain that’s too small to feed the smallest of mice or the petites of birds. A man left in mere nothingness, but surrounded by everything.

The mail man smiles and gives him a nod as he stuffs his box with more unplayable bills. The interest rates seem to eat at any payment he tries to make and the late charges are the venom that kills hope, kills progress. Sometimes he wonders how he got in this financial debt. How he found himself in this lake of bills and low credit scores. He thinks back on the purchases. The swipe of the card and that mental plan he made to pay it off. The self accountant, rounding up his expected pay stubs in his head and determining the pay off date.

The plan seemed solid until another swipe and another swipe made the plan a little more complicated but still manageable. The whisper of no interest for eighteen months brought in another fiasco. His home became false stated with all these lavish gifts.

He thinks deeper and catches the repetition. He has seen this before, practically all his life he lived in false wealth. An illusion his mother started as far as he could remember. He watched her, infatuated with her material things. Always living lavish ignoring the telephone as it rang off the hook with the bill collectors calls.

A home full of items she truly did not need. Four TV’s, three lap tops, enough gym equipment to open a Bally’s, DVD players, CD players, mp3 players, video game systems. Things she never used but always claimed she needed. The telephone continued to ring. Not becoming silenced until the nine o’clock dead line. He use to look at her, pay check to pay check, that was a life he was going to avoid, a life he looked down on. But many years later, as he sits on the porch of a house in foreclosure, watching as the repo men remove that 52″ inch TV. He takes a deep breath, and suddenly the phone rings.

RAY

Gina B. Lalonde — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 14:18:56 +0000

It happened again. This time with Ray. Second Uncle to die. Second Uncle to kill himself. Gordie first. Now Ray. I knew it was about him when my mom called me. I knew what she was going to say. And I knew how he had done it. A loner who hanged himself. Didn’t come to pick up his mail for days on end. He was a spy in Germany. Climbed over the wall in the dark wearing black from head to toe. Started in the air force. Only had one love. Linda Miller in Missouri. He bought me perfume once. And when we were in Rome he put me up in my very own hotel room. He was the closest thing to a rich Uncle I ever had. He was Ray. The cranky bastard. Lovable, tender, shy, scared of people. Things I wish I could write to him now. That pa finished his book. That I want to study in Italy with Brett. That things were going to be okay. But he died. Brett says don’t feel guilty. You had no control over this. Brett played chess with him. He was supposed to come to Seattle for Halloween, but I went to NYC instead. We left him a message on his birthday. A message with all our voices chiming in. Happy Birthday. We love you Uncle Ray.

Pa came home after identifying his older brother and took off all his clothes. He arrived with no bag, I think he was on meth. He grabbed a plastic garbage bag and shoved all his clothes inside. “Where is your bag pa?” No answer. Just a slammed door in my face. Ma says, “he’s not doing well. Not sad, just says I smell bad.” We all went to bed and I dreamed Meghan put me on the phone with a retard, unable to understand that I had to wake up at two a.m. and didn’t want to swap suicide stories. God Ray, look what a mess you’ve made. I knew dad was alive because he kept rattling pill bottles from the medicine chest. Then later it was his snore that kept me believing he was alive. But what if he isn’t.