::02:12:08::

::: Angel In Heaven Above :::

Words do not exist to describe the deep,
dark emptiness and pain
Nights are the worst and the hours burn on
what do I have to gain
Days and months pass but the hole in my heart
only seems to grow
Empty promises it will get better from those who forget
they cannot know
To look for her in everything the clouds, sky,
dark night, flickering light
Begging for just a glimpse of her in my dreams
just a quick sight
Hurt so deep I feel I cannot breathe sometimes I can’t face the next hour or day
There when I lay down, there when I open my eyes
it never goes away
Wishes it was a nightmare as it seems doesn’t help and
I remain so stuck
Not knowing how to move on the tears are endless surrounded by the worst luck
Wanting freedom to move on but unable to
I am so weighted down
Outside I have to push to smile and seem happy, but on the inside remains the heavy frown
Looking everywhere I know for some glimmer of hope
where is that open door
Bigger, better things foreshadowed don’t arrive, and I feel I cannot get off the floor
Knowing my angel is in a much better place
should make it a little ok
But my selfish longing to hold her and love her
seems to only grow each day
People forget or do not care and
nobody can ever feel or know
I am so alone with the hurt and loss
but I cannot let it show
To talk to others only leaves me more
alone, angry and sad
Nobody says the right things, nobody
shared the bond that we had
For only my angel and I were together
for such a short time here
And now I must wait to get to heaven to meet and see her
yet I know she is near
Presence so strong only I could feel
the nights I have cried
Looking around so intently she talks to me and
for a moment she has not died
Reality so cold that it
seems completely untrue
Asking why and thinking back to my every move
what did I do
The beautiful box that holds her remains is what I
cling to on the rocking chair
Coddling my empty arms imagining holding her
but she is not there
Not for me to see, feel and love
as I so long to do
All the plans were being made, big hopes and dreams
for someone precious and new
The day the light shined on my face as I said goodbye
to her and opened my eyes
Light we all felt God through reassuring and hopeful
but frequent are my cries
Tears of emptiness and loss nobody can change
how do I move on

Words from blessed Jacob wishing for a baby sister crush me
I cannot be strong
Praying and talking to her at night under the
dark sky I look to heaven above
Asking why, sorry for my failures and
overwhelmed with un-given love
Love I cannot show her like I so had hoped to do in her little life my baby
Words I said when Jacob arrived will I have another one
only maybe
Because of fear and doubts of a relationship seemingly severed
I grieve alone
Longing for support and seemingly receiving none
the pain is all I seem to own
Endless, sleepless nights wear on me the patience is gone
then guilt moves in
Taking over and driving the circle of thoughts
I cannot win
Goodnight my angel, Mama loves you so
you are forever in my heart
I am here and you are happy in heaven with God
but it hurts Mama being apart
Always know I miss you each day and I will
always love you so much
You are still my baby I send you kisses and hugs in heaven until we can touch

All My Love Always~
Mama

Written by: ~ Shay