i wish i could take back everything you believe I did wrong.
The mismangement of your feelings and pain reeling
around in this circle.
being hurtful was not my goal.
There were never petty arguments or
time spent being mad….just time spent being
loving and laughing.
And then it happened. Uncertainty, broke in
and I thought you didn’t want what I did
I was still thinking like a kid.
I didn’t think I deserved what you had to give.
I understand how you see what you think you saw.

How do I tell you I loved you like women love
their babies….the smell, the warmth, the
ability to be overprotective…..
the extreme certainty that I wanted to be connected
to only you
I’d take back the lunch bag of lies I told
to keep your feelings safe. Didn’t know it would
backfire. I’m not a liar, but scared makes you
seven-faced, and fork tongued
to keep peoples feeling from being hurt.

I’d take back the garbage bag of lies i told myself
to keep me from being mad at my choices
trash stinks no matter who or what though
i’ve grown and now I know
better
holding on to the hurt I caused
created a pause longer than any silence
I could bear from you. smilin at me the way you do
i want to assume that you are healed up and
ready to steel up something right here where I am.
I’ve seen you when you didnt’ see me
and I waited patiently for you to cross my path
i loved you like cooked food
and you were right about the “default” dude

but i can’t change it or take it back
everytime you come cross me
you toss me that
in the end
i want to be you lover, but i’ll stand down
to remain you friend.
I may not matter to you
but it matters to me
I hope “this” point is taken
Please accept my apology