Author: metafly

i wish i could take back everything you believe I did wrong.
The mismangement of your feelings and pain reeling
around in this circle.
being hurtful was not my goal.
There were never petty arguments or
time spent being mad….just time spent being
loving and laughing.
And then it happened. Uncertainty, broke in
and I thought you didn’t want what I did
I was still thinking like a kid.
I didn’t think I deserved what you had to give.
I understand how you see what you think you saw.

How do I tell you I loved you like women love
their babies….the smell, the warmth, the
ability to be overprotective…..
the extreme certainty that I wanted to be connected
to only you
I’d take back the lunch bag of lies I told
to keep your feelings safe. Didn’t know it would
backfire. I’m not a liar, but scared makes you
seven-faced, and fork tongued
to keep peoples feeling from being hurt.

I’d take back the garbage bag of lies i told myself
to keep me from being mad at my choices
trash stinks no matter who or what though
i’ve grown and now I know
better
holding on to the hurt I caused
created a pause longer than any silence
I could bear from you. smilin at me the way you do
i want to assume that you are healed up and
ready to steel up something right here where I am.
I’ve seen you when you didnt’ see me
and I waited patiently for you to cross my path
i loved you like cooked food
and you were right about the “default” dude

but i can’t change it or take it back
everytime you come cross me
you toss me that
in the end
i want to be you lover, but i’ll stand down
to remain you friend.
I may not matter to you
but it matters to me
I hope “this” point is taken
Please accept my apology

Take care of me
What a large request for a small circumstance.
I can handle the bills the babies, the boss and
Whatever else the universe tosses at me,
but
I need you to take care of me.
I have ten thousand hands in ten million things
I can situate, talk, cook, contemplate, cuss and cradle
All at the same time
And place words together to rhyme insanity to reason
But I can’t hold me tight enough,
just right enough
For things to stop moving all at once.
I need you to wrap me in quiet and heat and to repeat
This nightly so that I may sleep and wake with fresh
Mind and renewed faith
Make me able to face what comes from heaven
And hell
Just to be held by you.
Take care of me.

Note to self:

Respectfully,
I decline

I no longer wish to participate
In this inane
Circle of foolishness.

What were you thinking
You weren’t drinking
When you made
The decision to
Affront
Your well thought out mission
To succeed in life and love.

How could you
Lower your guard
Like that
How could you chop
Your soul full of
Holes to fit
Somebody else’s sh*t in.

Please,
I respectfully decline to
stand in this line of fire.

I turn your stomach
When his voice
Rises up and crescendos
Down around your ears

I provide the headaches
That persuade you
Not to partake in
Love making that makes
Neither love nor sense and
Creates a profound
Thankfulness for ortho novum
Or whatever device that will
Prevent life from occurring
And stirring up words like
Forever and daddy, and together
For the baby
I profusely implore
You to put a stop
To this extreme hurt
Your causing
before the
Welfare Baptist Church
Has a new member calling
Hallelujah
And singing
Give me my check spirituals
And no means to really love the
Self that is congregated
In misused motivations
It’s serial
Self destruction

I unequivocally request,
At the behest
Of your common sense
That you get your clothes, and your head right and
Get the hell out of there
And back on track

Sincerely, and I’m so not playing
With you

Self