Never leave a drink unattended,
Because drinks are like people,
They can get lonely,
Especially around this time of year
All they want is to find someone
And make them happy, listen
To their problems and promise
With a bitter kiss, to make them go away.

Pause and look at that glass,
So full and yet with no one around
It is so depressing, such good grains
Gone to waste sitting before a stool
That is growing cold, waiting for a rear end
Pressing down on it with pleasure and pressure.

So go along and take them both,
The stool and the drink and try
To master both at the same time,
A hardy task worthy of a jukebox warrior,
There is a damsel in distress, she’s blonde
And she’s thick, take her inside and warm her up,
Never leave a drink unattended.