jessica – FREESTYLEVISION

Patience

It was hard for her to take care of herself.

There was no drive
No passion for herself.

Her drive
Her passion was
Driven towards life
Driven towards death

Her annoyance towards the nagging
To become part of something greater
Pulsated through her rapidly

She had to push the noise out
She had to push the feelings out

She realized that the cards she had in her hand
Was a full house
And this house was full of madness
Full of greatness
Full of uncertainty
Full of patience

Just Life

I hear with a questioning ear and interpret with a sickened mind

I am delusional and I love it
I am cynical but I am happy

I sit in solitude and breathe heavy
I sip wine just to keep steady

I want to move but to somewhere unknown
Somewhere I can be with you yet still be alone

No talking just words
No thinking just thoughts
No loving just love
No living just life

And It Felt Good

The reminents of cock stained her breath.
And it felt good.

She wasn’t in love with him.
And if felt good.

She frequented his place for good conversation, good company, and great sex.
And it felt good.

She had no ties, no obligation, no commitment.
And it felt good.

She had money, had her mind, had her creativity.
And it felt good.

She had what she needed yet never knew she wanted.
And it felt good.

For I am Home

I feel myself sinking back to the depths
The depths of which turn me lethargic
The depths in which I do not speak
The depths in which my thoughts are the loudest

I feel myself sinking but its not really sinking, it’s returning
Returning to the inside where I am afraid
Returning to the emotions which I can’t control
Returning from the outside with all the smiles

I feel myself sinking but it’s not that bad for I can still breathe
A breath with more meaning than necessity
A breath with more patience than anxiety
A breath with beautiful sadness rather than contrived beauty

I feel myself sinking but it’s more like releasing
Relaxing
Unpacking
For I am home

This is my story, this is my life

This is my story this is my life.

One of these days, it’ll be okay.
It’ll be divine as I cross the line.
Into that other space, that other world.
Into that content ness like when I was a little girl.
No worries
No sorrows
No “what about tomorrows”.
No downs,
Only ups.
Just a full fucking cup.

Just a world full of light.
For this is my story, this is my life.

But, as I’m straggling through this foggy mess.
My heart on my shoulder, my mind on my chest.
For all those to see, for all to bare,
For all to scrutinize, examine, and stare.

I become a maverick,
A prophet,
A seer.

I am untouchable, because I do not hear…

The nonsense
The ignorance
The obtuse acts shown bright.
For this is my story, this is my life.

Ordinary

My mind wonders. I don’t think. I listen to the noises. I write the mumble. I write the swoosh. Foot steps with voices. Rattling change with face. Alone on a bench waiting for a train. A train that will take me to no ordinary place. I close my eyes, think of what I want and who I am. I would rather think of anything besides those two things. Alas, a train comes but not for me. I’m going to this not so ordinary place, you see. Beeps are sound, the trains coming round.

“Ordinary”

You’re Fine

Pushed forward into a room full of blank faces. White walls, white floors, white ceilings, numbing white lights. Lives being changed forever in this emotionless pit. Souls being intentionally killed with the help of one little kit. Wheeled in, snipped and probed, it’s like a f*cking assembly line. Wake up, wipe the blood and tears, nurse says coldly, “you’re fine”. “You’re Fine”

A little Sad, A little Glad

I sit…
Sitting on a stoop.
Wondering what to do.

It’s five in the morning, crack of dawn, ain’t no mourning cause there ain’t no use in loving the morning.

No love in sight.
No human right.
No embracing life, cuz I gave up the fight.

F*ck you. I don’t give up a fight. I win and that is no sin.
Cuz it’s work and it f*cking hurts but it is the thing we all value with worth.

I love me but I love you more but then out of nowhere I’m called a whore.
Trust me. I feel I can see, what is meant to be, that is you and me.
We are different. But I love your spirit. I’ve been put in it but I’ve become the split of it.

The run to.
The guarantee.
The one to be.
You just don’t see.

My passion.
The way I put the lash in.
The way I always sat in.
Your waiting hours in.

I wait and wait,
don’t hesitate cuz I love it.
Your sweet face of fate.
Your smile, your style, your ups and downs.
You don’t talk to me but it don’t get me down.

a little sad, a little glad,

I Feel You

When I hug you, you know what I feel?
I feel your heart.
I feel your body.
I feel the blood pulsing through your veins.
I feel the fact that you are a living, breathing human being.

When I see you, I feel you.

When I touch you, you know what I feel?
I feel your spirit.
I feel your soul.
I feel your pain, your sadness and your suffering.
I feel the fact that you are a living, breathing human being.

When I see you, I feel you.

When I love you, you know what I feel?
I feel your happiness, your passion, and your peace.
I feel your ups and downs.
I feel your grace and your style.
I feel the fact that your are a living, breathing human being.

When I see you, I feel you.