Author: sonya

Residual menthol.
Tastes like you
When I sip your drink.
So sensual.
How is it that the rum in this Bloody Mary
Tastes like you?
As he bangs his strings
And he fondles his keys.
She slaps her thigh
As she teases her mike.
Like your cocaine
I am ready to explode.
As these forces collide.
This satin against my skin.
Satin like your skin.
I am in another realm.
Her voice smooth like velvet.
She sings “I’m saving my love for you.”
This music begs for romance.

We were so good tonight.
We had to prove it.
Prove that we could keep it in check.
And we did.
We put on a good show.
Each of us knowing…
What the other was thinking.
Begging each other not to go there.
Begging each other to take it there.
Begging each other to feel the love.
But hold it back.
Feel it but hold it back.
Please be strong for me.
Please draw the line in the sand.
You know tomorrow night it will be the same.
I will beg you to drink some more.
You will beg me to keep that look to myself.
But there is nothing more to prove.
I asked you why it’s not enough.
You said “It’s more than enough.”
And I believe you, so there’s nothing more to prove.
This is more than enough, I know that.
There is no need to dance this dance.
But we love the lie.
We love the costume and the makeup, the lighting, the music.
We love the control.
It feels that much better when the lights go down.
And control is lost.
Strip me down.
Take me My Love.
Fight to f*ck me.
Fight not to f*ck me.
Fight to feel it.
But hold it back.
The show goes on.

Sometimes I wind up alone
Even though all I want is to keep talking to you.
Sometimes I all I want is to just sleep on your couch.
I know what that means.
And then you say, “no honey, not tonight”
“catch me on a Saturday.”
But I just don’t want to cut this off,
Just because it’s 3, and you’re done.
Can I just sleep, and then get an omelet with you,
When we are both more sane?
But you are gone all of a sudden and all I have to do is drive home.
And eat pre-sliced pepper jack.
And listen to these sounds we could have listened to together.
But you are beyond that
Been there.
Done that.
Just want to sleep.
Gone.
And here I am
Alone again.
One of them is fishing.
One of them is taking pictures.
Many of us are sleeping with the one they know is wrong.
Many of us afraid of the truth.
We all go home at closing time.
Home to nothing.
Home to loneliness.
Home to emptiness.
Cuz we don’t know how to say ‘I love you.’
We can’t just say ‘I love you”
We know it’s impossible.
We know if we were to believe,
We would be let down.
We would form alliances.
There would be the one that doesn’t understand.
The one that says “hey, what’s going on here?”
‘That person is mine.
This person is yours.
I belong to you.
And you belong to me.’
Sometimes I wind up alone.
Even though all I want is to keep talking to you.
Sometimes we can’t have it all, all the time.
When “I love you” becomes a smoking gun.
You lie there bleeding.
And all I have to do is drive home…
Home to nothing.
Home to emptiness.
Home to loneliness.
Sleep my dear.
I will see you tomorrow with one more scar.

Love is fettered.
And all I know is that I know nothing.
Nothing of the beauty, nor the pain.
No, I am not one to presume.
But I know what it’s like to stay.
To weld your lives together.
With banged it into shape.
It worked… for a while.
We could have stored it safe.
Out of the cold and rain forever.
9 years, 22 years, 40 years, 58 years.
Shiny and reflective its surface would have shone.
Oiled gears moving in perfect synchronicity.
With a lifetime of use and abuse.
It would have been beautiful.
But what would we have used it for?

I’ve never seen someone so untainted
Until you.
Never felt so safe and vulnerable at the same time.
Until you.
A beautiful diamond,
And you showed me every facet from every angle.
Your flaws, frustrations, loves, pains, and joys
For a moment they were all the same and so utterly perfect.
And still when I close my eyes
I can feel what it was like
When there were no barriers.
When there was no difference between you and me.
When we were one.
The sound of your voice
Breaks them down again.
Almost like we were back there again.
And it makes me want to crawl back into you and rest.
When the water hits me in the shower,
When I’m lying in my bed,
When I let my mind rest.
When I feel my skin,
I can feel how you felt it.
As though I were you touching me.
I understand how you feel
When you feel loved.
I feel now that I will never know love like this.
Teach me to trust.
Teach me to believe
That it will come again.
For your beauty makes everything grey.
So let us let this go.
And let the sadness be.
We cannot cage this beautiful bird.
But let it be free
Where it can change the world.
For in our hands it will only lead to selfishness.
Despair and destruction.
Let us send it out
Into outer space.
To rain down again
And nourish those that wither.
Knowing that for a moment
It was ours.