catherine anne hayes – Page 6

How We Think of Vinny

Blue Jeans and an Islanders teeshirt.

A shy smile

but

a wicked twinkle in his eye.

What thoughts were going on in his head?

They say still waters run deep

and

that may be the case

with

Our Vinny

but

one thing we know

he was lovable.

You couldn’t help but love him.

Proud to be a Brooklyn boy

and being a New Yorker he

never felt the need to explore beyond it environs

New York was his

All that he loved and needed was there.

The Islanders

The Yankees

Spumoni Gardens

His family

and most importantly his Dawn.

His other half.

Though he was silent you could see

in his eyes

how he loved her

and oh

how she loved him.

truly

one of the other.

We are not going to say good bye sweet Vinny

for that is final….

Instead…

We wish you God speed

and

May you fly with the angels and play hockey with them amongst the stars!

With ALL our never ending love…..Aunt Cathie and Uncle Walter

Your hand
on the small of my back
I still feel
it’s imprint
the electrical spark
How you turned
my legs
to water
I still catch my breath
at the memory
of that first touch
Your eyes locked
on mine
as we kissed
that first time
Tingling
Trembling
I still feel
your mouth on me
taking
giving
I still feel…
You…

2009 copyright catherine anne hayes

To Aunt Stella

To Aunt Stella
I remember as a little girl seeing you standing
with your arms filled with Birds of Paradise
Your smile as bright as your eyes.
I bubbled with joy…
“Aunt Stella!” burst from my lips as I ran to you
and then I was in your arms smothered in flowers…
all those years ago…
Precious is this memory and other memories too
that I have always held in my heart
and always will.
Things change…
Time marches on..
and unfortunately distance happens…
but loving never stops.
You are gone now
but no matter what
and no matter what happened
you are still a part of me
and in my loving heart.
God Speed Aunt Stella…

forever dance with Uncle Eddie amongst the stars.

2009 copyright catherine anne hayes 10/21/2009

To My Truth

I stare at the empty page and the blinking cursor
and question
Is this the symbol of my life?
Feelings bubble up inside of me
like water boiling in a tea kettle
yet
like the steam that shoots out of the spout
and evaporates to nothing
I can form no words or thoughts
This is pain
This is frustration
This is disappointment in myself

I question
Am I afraid of my own truth?
and
if I face my truth will I be able to take it
not crumble under it’s weight?

I sit in front of this page now not so empty
with some words
With bald desire to open my truth
With shaking courage
I start….

Sleep

In my twilight sleep I am aware of
My cheek resting against the wash worn soft cotton of my pillow
I faintly hear the nightingales sing their song
their tone imploring…seeking…
I awaken to the moonlight stealing through the blinds
and sigh…
and wonder
“Is this to be another night of lost sleep and dreams?”

I am so tired. Sleep eludes me.
The night and its sounds are my companions
where lately I feel safest.
Day time has become alien yet I know
it is there I need to be.
To function.
To live my life.

Night time…Sweet velvet night time.
Remembering my childhood.
Remembering my father.
Cuddling next to him on his bed.
His whispering in the summer darkness,
“Shhhh… Look out the window.
You can see the fairies out on the trees.”
Feeling such happiness there with him.
Feeling safe. Feeling love.

Now years later I wonder in these sleep deprived nights
“Do I still look for the fairies out in the trees?”

Sleep. Precious sleep. Elude me no more.

I Am Who I Am

I am who I am
too old
too fat
disabled
yet
for today I am perfect
true
pain racks my body
rage runs through my mind
at things that are not right
but
I am who I am
I feel love
I am loved
I am full of passion
and
I have HOPE and FAITH
and THEY CANNOT take that away
from me
AS MUCH as they try
as long as my heart beats
as long as my spirit exists…

Coiled Spring

I feel like a coiled spring
wound tight
about to
spring free
yet
day by day
tighter and tighter are my coils
rubbing against each other
creating friction
and sparks…
uncomfortable sparks
with pain in my body and soul.

How do I break free?
How do I let loose?
The pressure is building…
The sparks are burning…
I do not want to be like this…
Still…

For W

About W

He stays with me
though he wants to be somewhere else but here
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Silently worrying
He is afraid he will lose me
He tries not to show it
He gets so angry
Fighting walls
Things that should not be
He is frustrated
Tired
Yet he stays
By me
He doesn’t give up
He loves me
So I won’t give up
I’ll keep going
Painful slow step
by
Painful slow step
He’s worth it.
I love him too.

2009 copyright catherine anne hayes

In The Void

In my silence wrapped in veiled darkness
I wait…
You see I have slipped into this world of cushioned shadows…
aware
but not aware…
Sounds are far off…
Pins of light dance around like fireflies
blinking on and off…
on and off…
I float….
I am weightless…boneless…transparent…
but
I am here
I feel my heart beating
and hear my blood rushing through my veins
like the waves of the ocean.
I ride the waves
searching my way back…
looking for signs…
reaching out…
not wanting to slip further…
Must follow the light…
Must follow the sound…

Grab me…
Hold me…
Hear me…
See me…
I am here in this shell….
Breathing…
Wanting….
Loving…

I want to come back
I am fighting to come back
Look at me
Look at my eyes
Read what they say…

I do not want to fade away….
I will not fade away…

Miles Away

I think of you miles away
and I am chilled.
For I want you
here
to ignite me.
I want you
on me
over me
in me
filling me
with your heat.
Hands playing my body
making me sing.

Time
do not tease me
any longer.
Bring you
my lover
to me.

Author: catherine anne hayes