FREESTYLEVISION

It’s a few minutes from a quarter to five and
You’re wondering how you got here in the first place.
You try to remember last Wednesday and
The Wednesday before the day you were thinking,
‘Next Wednesday, I will think to remember to think of
next Wednesday.’

It’s a quarter ‘til five and
You’re wondering if you would have chosen this if it were
Last Wednesday, many years ago, but of course
That moment, you chose to be
Who you were then as you are choosing, albeit passively, to be
Now.

It’s eleven to five and you look around and
The trail of ants crawling along your desk,
Hauling pieces of particle board over tiny thoraces
Stale little morsels from Monday.
Amidst the constant flow, they bump intermittently,
Offering directions, instructions on how, where to go.
They’re all the same. They never asked for anything more or less.
Now a good seven square inch bite has seemed to erode from your desk and

It’s five to five. You offer the unfinished quarter of
Your almond butter sandwich from lunchtime.
It’s a worthy gesture in the spectrum of your capacity to give.
You won’t miss it next Wednesday.
You push your feet against the mutable partition
Supported by file cabinets tangled in wires bundled
Tangled strangling energy no interest in sorting itself out.
You glide across the hard
Plastic protecting the finely woven carpet that still smells like carpet.

You want out the glass, but pleasure is the gaze
It’s as though these buildings always were
Certainly, before any Wednesday you could recall.
It’s as though concrete sludge carved perfect blocks from stone and steel
Strategically sculpting almost perfect cubicles stacked, still standing.
Still glowing little squares shine.
The trail of cabs and buses, lights and wires, pushers and nannies hauling cargo
Some in bellies burning little memories of they
A flurried flow cracking everywhere.

From this distance, the trails have multiple arms and speeds
Abrupt and lingual. They’re all the same now.
They get angry. They say things. They want
Desperately to be beautiful. They want
To buy.

It’s five past five and there’s a generous chunk of sky missing.
It’s raining and hundreds of Carlas and Juniors and Sisters and Seniors have retired
Toward the vanishing point. Swallowing, swallowed
By sandwiching skyscrapers. You wave at them,
Making sure you remember this
Next Wednesday, when you will find yourself
With them.

Stay focused,
don’t follow the hocus pocus,
why can’t everything be peace,
and no need for toasters,
or watchin ya back,
wary of the vultures,
dodging strays in the corners,
hiding with crack smokers,
most of our problem is that we lack culture,
unaware of our roots,
overseas they try an scare em wit troops,
racism still exist,
whites fearing our youth,
this is the truth,
we swallowing lies without the proof,
son we gotta stand for ours,
we built this sh*t its like this land is ours,
did you forget?
slavery did exist,
calls for reparations dismissed,
this is sick,
if they don’t give it we gon take it,
tired of the snake sh*t,
struggle to be elevated,
pour liquor out for those who never made it,
real freedom celebrate it,
it ain’t a black or white thing…..

From under which rock did you crawl?
Inviting you over I do not recall
No flicker of interest was ever displayed
No eye contact ever made
Poly jacket and vinyl shoes
Over bleached teeth and too much booze
Mighty assuming and uncouth
Perhaps you should call Dr. Ruth
Dare we accept this just one dance
And then run for cover when we have the chance
Because this lower life form cant quite understand
The interaction ends along with the band
Our time is worth more than a $5 drink
I wonder why men are not extinct
The purse snaps shut. and then were out the door
Quothe the women Never More.

We all know a time share shmuck
Those presentations are so hard to duck
Buy a week in Detroit and with relative ease
Exchange for an exotic location with a tropical breeze
An alluring gift, sometimes money
You don’t qualify without your honey
If you have no credit card, you’re an ass
Through the hostess you will not pass
Perhaps you’re older than 67
You can’t bank your week if your already in heaven
If the fractional ownership concept you do not conceive
That free crock pot you may not receive
For 75 minutes they will trouble you
Make you feel like a P.O.W.
In that Dungeon you will stay
Until you figure out how to pay
For those two weeks of future fun
Snag that foreclosure There’s only One.

Time is something we should never waste
It’s intangible and impossible to replace
So why do we spend years with some dumb ass guy
And always try to justify
For the small fact he has no career
While your paychecks disappear
The unromantic thoughtless sort
While you need a years supply of St. John’ wart
He can’t remember how to spell your last name
But hell Never forget whose playing in the game
For all those times he was M. I. A.
And you actually believed what he had to say
But the important thing is that we learn
What Not to accept around the next turn
The assessment should not be a five year plan
You grade that paper as soon as you can
If he’s a C or below
He’s Got To Go
Less than average just can’t compete
He gets the ejector seat

I’ve often heard that love is blind
Perhaps you’re vision should be refined
No eye surgery could ever correct
Those feeling of amore we resurrect
Not telescope could help us foresee
Even the Tinest fault with “my love for thee”
It’s not until your friends suggest
That perhaps he is not the best
Of all the candidates you could find
But by now you’ve gone legally blind.
You know it’s bad when Mama called
Just to tell you how appalled
They would be if they ever saw
Him become their son in law
Of course you think they’re all crazy
Until when fine day you’re vision is a lesser hazy
He used to be my super hero
But in the hall of justice he was a big fat zero
Eventually we realize for ourselves
There’s a lot better books on the shelf

In the late afternoon
I lay on my bed
I tremble
but not from the cold
My skin fevered, sensitive, craving
You have done this to me
You do this to me
a gasp escapes my lips
as your teeth nip my tender left breast
I feel the heat of your laugh on my skin
Your right hand squeezes my right breast
A moan escapes
A shudder
“Don’t move”
I try
It is hard
Fingers in my hair
along my face
on my lips
“Please kiss me”
“Don’t move”
I am not touched
nothing
Tears pool in my eyes
Then
Ice
Cold
but….Hot….
where it was never meant to be
but melts….
I melt
Then you kiss me
Oh God
You kiss me
You brought me over the blessed edge…

Copyright Catherine Anne Hayes © 2008

I drink to heal my symptoms
But fail to kill the causes.
A broken marriage, broken dreams,
Dead end job so many losses.
It’s an endless stream,
An alcoholic tide,
That cons my mind towards suicide
That’s makes me think a day cant go by without my problem pesticide
My blood shot eyes
My toxic breathe
My shaky stance
All side affects
My constant steer into a fog of ice block cubes and alcohol
They make my problems feel resolved
But really make them more evolved.
My kidneys ache
My tongue is soar
Stomachs embalmed from alcohol
My pleasure pill, divine escape
That leaves me drowned before the gates
That leaves my body in a state
For rats and bugs to mutilate,
For life to cut and amputate,
A friend bound to intoxicate.

Sitting on top of a hill
Miles away from the world
As the last explosion
Conquers a nation.

Walking down from my hill
To the ruins left of the world
I feel sorrow and dissatisfaction.

Walking back to my hill
I spot a little girl
Who’s lost limbs has left her dying.

With no legs and no arms
I tell her to stay calm

The next president will know how to save you.

It’s not fair,
Newborns being brung along
Be casted to your elder’s arms
For they already gave you well
By giving you their younger selves.
Their times been spent
With well intent,
Just for your cause
With no applause,
Your gratitude
Has been removed,
Their golden years
You made them lose.
Just one year shy
Of the finish line
Retirement years slowly subside
As they arise to baby cry’s.
I feel their heart beat growing faint,
Their weakened bones
Their lifeless face,
Their hopeless sighs
Misfortune steers
Disappointment infiltrates the air.
Anger slowly goes astray
But they’ll always feel betrayed.