For My Birthdays

I was barely there,
Passed out and now
Unable to recall anything,
The screaming, hers
Or mine, the blood,
And the light, which was either
A beautiful moon or
A terrible eye, the first one
Having a look at me.

What a terrible party it must have been,
I’m glad I missed most of it,
Was sent to bed early and allowed
To sleep while everyone else
Worried about the mess.

Now every year we try and make it up,
For those who may still remember,
And for those who were there,
Causing the walls the shake
While turning the floor wet.

Simple water pressure
And gravity pulled me out,
I could not run, even walk,
My arms were weaker
Than my tongue,
I did not crawl into this world,
I was pushed, and
If I had been stronger,
I might still be there in storage
With mother on her back and father
Always building a bigger crib.

Still I am here, and that
Is always the given reason
When all others fail
And no gifts exchanged,
For a celebration.
I have survived,
Grown and learned to cry
About the things
The world truly cares about,
Not realizing that the first time
That I was wet and dirty,
A risk to the health of others,
And naked.

A Helpful Reminder

Never leave a drink unattended,
Because drinks are like people,
They can get lonely,
Especially around this time of year
All they want is to find someone
And make them happy, listen
To their problems and promise
With a bitter kiss, to make them go away.

Pause and look at that glass,
So full and yet with no one around
It is so depressing, such good grains
Gone to waste sitting before a stool
That is growing cold, waiting for a rear end
Pressing down on it with pleasure and pressure.

So go along and take them both,
The stool and the drink and try
To master both at the same time,
A hardy task worthy of a jukebox warrior,
There is a damsel in distress, she’s blonde
And she’s thick, take her inside and warm her up,
Never leave a drink unattended.

A Poet’s Prayer

If these verses be not great,
Let them be better
Than all I have written before
And all that anyone else is writing.

Give me the strength to change
All that cannot be mine
Into my greatest inspiration,
Let me find victory in my defeat,
Words to cover up reality’s bad patches
With all the language allows to glitter.

Keep me drunk enough
To always have sentences to spout,
But sober enough to hold a pen,
Keeping inspiration in place.

If I die before I am great,
Let my death awake
The critics from dogmatic slumbers, and
The readers behind their cozy books,
Let it arrive unannounced,
To improve my standing with both,
And open the gates to the pantheon.

The Waters Called

The first ring,
And they stand still,
Could it be for them?

The first ring
Brings eyes to them,
They want the attention

The first ring
Brings eyes on them,
They recoil at the stares

The second ring
And they look back
Look around

The second ring
They begin to suspect
There is a message for them

The second ring
Someone must have that song,
I can’t be the only one

The third ring
Out comes the bag
From under the coat

The third ring
And the hand fishes
The gap for the device

The third ring
Now out in the open and louder
Until the voices replace it

With that music
Coming out of a little box,
Straining to the max

They should be embarrassed,
But when my phone rings,
I will jump up,

Someone remembers me.

A History of Violence

As you shake your head,
He jumps across a stretcher
In a bombed out home,
Violence, Violence,
Everything is violence
Cries the teacher.

Armies come and go and wander in between
Finding cities to sack
Women to rape
Children to enslave
Blood to spill again and again
When does it end you ask?

He laughs,
Violence, Violence,
Everything is Violence!

You were brought into this world with violence,
With violence you were formed,
With violence you were expelled,
With violence you were made to breathe
With violence you were behaved,
Prevented from committing more violence.

Look at the line of people,
They march and seem
To be peaceful,
But they march to hold the reins
To whip and pull
Leading men where they want.

They spill no blood now,
But will one day,
As dreams are worth nothing
Without violence.
Violence by itself is a nightmare,
Violence with a dream is progress.

Your whole world is built on a web of violence,
With violence against mother earth you are fed,
With violence against the poor you are housed,
With violence against the brown you have land,
With violence against children you are not questioned,
It just is, but is it just?

Hah! He continues to laugh,
Winding down a staircase,
A light in his hand burning off the night,
Violence, Violence
Everything is violence!

The Lazarus Phenomenon

One shave and you’re
Back in the world,
Two blades rub
Against your face
In a metallic imitation
Of the kiss you miss,
Luckily it’s all electric,
Your hand trembles too much
To hold a naked razor
Against your jugular.

Now you’re the gardener again,
Taking care of yourself,
She would be proud, only
If she was standing in the threshold,
Her face looking back in the mirror
Like a painter placed
Inside his creation, observing himself.

Before you were alive,
But not awake, the world
Had its way with you
And let time sit on your face
To conjure up a brush
Sweeping everyone away.

The engine growls,
The first music you have heard,
And the best, sound independent
Of any passion, of love lost,
It tells you that the bills are paid
And the fuse box is working,
Small joys you had a hand in.

Gently, you are reminded
That there is still creation,
There is time to carve a mask
Or to liberate a chin for the world to see,
Time will bury you soon enough
You can take a moment
To climb out and walk around
Before the gravedigger notices you’re gone,
Your Delilah wanted you to grow these hairs,
She wants to hide how you looked,
She’s done with that man.

Bring him back, bring him out,
And parade him under her window,
Let her know who’s she missing,
Risen from the dead and taking no prisoners,
Including her, you’re harmless,
But she doesn’t know that,
Let her be afraid, thinking of those blades
And what they’re capable of cutting.

One shave and you’re
Back in the world,
Welcome son, and stand
Before the mirror,
Watch your hairs falling
Like black snow
Remember to trim the bushes
Sprouting from the nostrils,
She never liked the sight of them.

My Friend Bill

I let him mourn too long,
It was my mistake,
I thought I would be generous,
Understanding, forgiving,
Be not letting him forget so easily.

They all told him
To move on and find another
I felt I was the only one
Who understood,
That there would be no other
Like her, for him.

So I said to Bill it was okay
Okay to feel sorry and to cry
If he wanted to stay alone,
Sleep in and not go out,
Fine by me, I understood.

He stayed in and never came out,
Unless it was with a bottle in his hand
Of something strong smelling
With a burning taste,
All I can ever take to make the pain
Surrender and go away, he said,
Between sips and gulps.

I told him that it was now time to stop mourning,
But the dirge was still playing
The ladies of the house were still screaming
And Bill had only just begun.

The Poet in Exile

You can take the poet out of the city certainly. But can you take the city out of the poet? I suppose I will soon find out. This week I left New York City after living there for five years. First I was a college student, and then I was on my own, trying to find work in the very bowels of a recession. Needless to say I was not successful and have had to flee the metropolis of Manhattan for the much greener environs of Arlington, Virginia, my old home town, or more appropriately, county.

I suppose I should consider myself fortunate that I am not moving to any place horrible or in the middle of nowhere. Arlington, if any of you know the area, is across the river from Washington, DC and is the home of the Pentagon, the Corazon of the Military-Industrial complex. That’s right, we were attacked on 9/11 for real. So, I have not come back to a hamlet, or a town with no Vietnamese, Indian, Thai, or Italian restaurants, or a place where there are no bookstores, libraries, bars, or stoplights.

Yet it always feels odd to call Arlington “urban.” At one point we were part of DC, but were given back to Virginia. They did not want us. We sort of went through the opposite process as Brooklyn. I suppose as a consequence we never had the need to develop any sense of pride to prevent from being devoured whole. I have never heard anyone utter “Arlington in the house!” at an event.

So maybe I am still an urban poet, a troubadour without music but with city streets. And perhaps if one begins with poems about subways and grime, one never loses their edge even if they are surrounded by lawns and streets empty as a ghost town in the middle of the day. Then again, can one who never lives in a city ever develop an edge on their own? Without ever feeling that strange combination of joy and fear when walking home drunk at 4 in the morning, unsure of what saints or sinners one will meet or if you are heading the right way down the street? Maybe. If so there is hope for me.

Manhattan made me into a poet, she was the ultimate unrequited love of my life. And we all know that it is at the touch of such feeling one becomes a poet. An urban poet can be surrounded by such reminders of failed romance, and so they can really develop a voice, since they have to stand out against a crowd of potentially millions of admirers. If I had stayed in Arlington I would have been pastoral if I wrote verse at all. I do not think being a writer of prose is so dependent on location, except as source material. But I do not think a city tempts and then rejects a novelist like it does to a poet. A poet can be crushed to death by a city. That is why I am somewhat happy to leave.

A question that needs to be asked is if being urban is good? Certainly in the city it is a defense mechanism. It is also sensible, one writes about what they know. There are few cities where poems about hunting on rolling hills full of deer might connect with an audience. Yet is there something about being an urban poet with an urban vision that makes one important to poetry wherever one might go? I think so. Oddly enough, it is a “tradition” that the poets of the cities are the ones who reinvent the language through experimentation and taking the chances that being in a large mass of people allows to occur safely. A poet who faces the city is looking towards keeping poetry and by extension, literature, fresh, and also keeping poetry a community, not just a series of cells of lonely men and women writing verses for themselves and no one else.

So how does one keep an edge? How does a poet keep their urban flavor? I could travel into DC by subway and roam the streets at night. I could walk the bridges over the river during winter and send clouds of breath over the Potomac like little rafts of myself. A few drinks and rolling in a few gutters could do the trick to. Yet maybe that would just be posturing. Can I bring the urban into Arlington? Can I make my county truly wake up and realize that it is a city in its own right and should begin to love living life on the edge, however dull it might be and low off the ground?

Still Life on Table

An empty bottle
That’s a quarter full,
With a half eaten pie
And scissors that can pull,
Sit on the table with me
Outside while I’m alone,
Where I sit and ponder,
To catch the night and groan.

So Tired

I’m so tired,
so tired,
so tired,
He took the light out of my life,
She took the wind out of my sails,
He sold my dreams by the dozen,
She broke my heart in two,
He mocked me in silent praise,
She threw my years away.
And They, what did They do?
They did the worst thing of all,
Nothing.