Stray Dog Beach, so lonely so sad… It’s a place I know well. It’s worse than bad! A dark and scary port along Puerto Rico’s shore – strewn with litter, junk, and thugs galore. Jess is my name. I’m a shepherd, size large! I once lived there in a rusty abandoned barge. Don’t cry just…

Tucked away on many urban corners An array of patrons ranging from newlyweds to mourners Where draft beer flows with refreshing ales From the darkest lagers to the blondest pales You just popped in to quench your thirst But your self composure must have been cursed For there you remained until the very last call…

Limping gamblers sporting fanny packs Aching to beat the odds against the dealer’s stacks Smoke from Marlboros, Camels and Salem Lights Very red eyes and very long nights Exotic dancers and Chippendales Go-go Girls with glitter nails All the cab drivers are from kingdoms so very far far away So if it happens in Vegas……

Robust and dark Your happy as a lark Fruity and dry Now your gonna cry??? Oh grapes of wrath Get outta my path Aromas pungent and so very bold What fables and dark secretes have you told? Such a smooth satiny oaky finish As your number of friends seems to diminish Organic with not one…

From under which rock did you crawl? Inviting you over I do not recall No flicker of interest was ever displayed No eye contact ever made Poly jacket and vinyl shoes Over bleached teeth and too much booze Mighty assuming and uncouth Perhaps you should call Dr. Ruth Dare we accept this just one dance…

We all know a time share shmuck Those presentations are so hard to duck Buy a week in Detroit and with relative ease Exchange for an exotic location with a tropical breeze An alluring gift, sometimes money You don’t qualify without your honey If you have no credit card, you’re an ass Through the hostess…

Time is something we should never waste It’s intangible and impossible to replace So why do we spend years with some dumb ass guy And always try to justify For the small fact he has no career While your paychecks disappear The unromantic thoughtless sort While you need a years supply of St. John’ wart…

I’ve often heard that love is blind Perhaps you’re vision should be refined No eye surgery could ever correct Those feeling of amore we resurrect Not telescope could help us foresee Even the Tinest fault with “my love for thee” It’s not until your friends suggest That perhaps he is not the best Of all…

You’re rounding the bend towards middle age Not even earning minimum wage you’re parents are so very annoyed That you have never really been gainfully employed A briefcase and Brooks Brothers you have not Himalayan satchel and Birkenstocks is what you’ve got Occasional jobs to keep the shoestring from breaking Canoe guide, den leader and…

Lets go out for just one drink We’ll be home by 11 don’t ya think? A few sips of wine to pass the time A mug of beer to lend some cheer The birds are chirping and the sky is blue Until someone buys a shot for you You’re on the fence but you can…