catherine anne hayes – Page 3

My Jewel

My jewel is not just the gem I wear
but the precious memory
I keep close to my heart
when I think of you
You and I
we had so many difficulties
so many differences
yet
there are similarities
more
than we both
at different times
wanted to admit
Love was there
but covered by so
many layers
Oh we had to tear through them
We were almost too late
but love prevailed
you prevailed
in your final lingering hours
You my mother
looked upon me…your daughter…and told me you were proud.

My Heart Aches

My heart aches for you
My love
this separation from you
is so hard to bear
I think I can handle it
I go for days
weeks
keeping myself preoccupied with life’s tasks
but then
a shaft of moonlight sneaks through
the curtains
and gently kisses my face
just as you did
when we last lay together
I need you so
You are a part of me
I am a part of you
Where you begin
I end
Come to me
End this limbo that you have put us in
You love me
I love you
Always
Forever

Imagination

My imagination
is my hands
that touch
explore
excite
the planes
depths
of your body

My imagination
is my lips
that kiss
your eyes
cheeks
gently
passionately
probe
taste
your mouth

My imagination
is vivid
Flowing
Intense
Desire
for you builds
the more
thoughts of you
come
into my mind
Fire
takes over
my body
I will explode

I want you now
I burn for you

Time
to stop
imagining

My Constant Love

You my constant love
who never abandons me
I love You
I feel You
in the warmth
of the sun
as it touches my face
I feel You
in the softness
of the wind
I hear Your voice
in the music
of birds singing
and
children laughing
and
the sounds of life
beautiful life
around me
You are always
with me
My constant love
My Lord
My Life
My God

My Dreams

I will not give up my dreams
They are part of me
and keep me going when
everything is so difficult
and I feel overwhelmed
and exhausted
My dreams are my life blood
the reason to keep on living
to keep on hoping
to keep on working
to make things better
improve my life
I have taken chances
I have taken risks
I have never chosen
the easy comfortable path
and will continue to do so
because it is possible for my dreams
to come true
I had made old dreams come true
in my past
and somehow
my new dreams will come to fruition
The road is not easy
It is much harder
but it is worth it
My dreams are worth it
I am worth it

I Question I Wonder

I question I wonder

Silly
we are
that we don’t see
the real beauty
and gifts
that are around us.
Always looking
for other things
that really
don’t matter
but
we think
they do
And
why must people
yell
and rush through
everything
and spoil
precious moments
that can not
be recaptured

What is wrong with us?

Have we forgotten
how to live?
to feel joy?
to be human?

I truly wonder…

Is there hope
for us?
Is there still
a spark inside
of us
that will ignite
and flare
bring us to
our better selves
feel the love
the passion
the beauty
our true souls
that lives inside
of us?

I wish
I hope
I pray

I can not give up on us

I will not give up on us

Call me
the hopeless
and foolish
romantic
who even though
life has battered
me around
still chases rainbows
and sunsets
and still
believes in
castles
in the clouds
and
happily ever after…
such
is my nature
I can not help it
I will always
look for the best
inside of a person
and feel the best
of them first
I will stop
and smell
the sweet scent
of the roses
and
I will always
believe in
the power
the magic
the glory
of love

Lost Rose

Frost glazed everything in sight
in the garden
crunched like glass under
her feet as she walked the paths
in the late November afternoon
she walked aimlessly
sadly
lonely
her heart and soul feeling
empty
void of love
as she loooked all around
at the pearl gray misted sky
the brown trees bereft of leaves
the tired bushes
the dried out flowers sleeping
till next spring
she thought…
“Is this all there is? Is there nothing left?
Is there no hope left for me?”
A sad sigh
A single tear slips down her soft chilled cheek
Suddenly
out of the corner of her eye
she sees a tiny spash of colour
without thinking
she is drawn to it
and then she is next to it
a single rose
a single last surviving
lost rose
clinging on to life
fighting
blazing in all it’s glory
she took in it’s lush fragrance
It filled her with warmth
It started hope within her again
She thought
If this single lost rose
can find a reason to survive
in this cold bleakness
so can I
She rubbed the rose against her cheek
then softly kissed it
A single ray of golden sunlight breaks
through…
Hope does spring anew.

Thinking Of You

Thinking of you
turns
my blood to fire
and
I am all lit up
Restless
Wanting
in my bed
when
I should be in yours
Yes
Right now
Lips touching
Tongues dancing
Bodies meshing
Heat blending with heat

Come to me
Now
Bring me to your bed
End this waiting
this torment
Fill me up with you
Now
Please
Come to me

Middle of The Night Musings

The Middle of the night
and I am awake again
Restless
Changes
so many, many changes
that are going to happen
it is good that they are happening
but
some I am not ready for
and
some I am hurt and scarred deeply by
Changes
They must happen
I am scared
but they must happen
Life goes on
I must go on
I do not want to live this life anymore
I can’t anymore
It hurts too much
It chokes me
Drowns me
Drags me down
I want to be free
Free from hurt
Free from bounds
Free from screaming voices
I want to live again
I want to feel alive again
I want to be myself again

I Will Not Disappear

Before I lock the door forever that you have closed
I want to say that as much as you try
you will not be able to make me disappear.
I am a part of you as you are a part of me.
We have a past.
We have blood.
My echo is in those walls.
Yes
they belong to you.
All yours.
I do not want them.
But
they are a part of my past
and that
you can not obliterate
as much as you try.
You can not stop
my thoughts
my feelings
my heart
as much as you try.
You say I have hurt you
For the hurts I have caused
I am truly sorry
but
I will not own ones
that you think I have caused.
I can not take responsibility
for a hurt your child accuses me of
when
I do not know what it is.
I refuse to.
Speaking of your child…
I for six years willingly and lovingly
took care of and raised your child
so you could return to school
I encouraged you to do so
when you were down
and felt you could not
continue you
I encouraged you more
I knew you could make it through
I knew you could succeed
and you did
I was so proud of you
and I still am
but you did not want to
know from my pride in you
Now when I try to speak to you
to try speak to you slam the phone
Never letting me say what we both need to hear
You call and do all the talking
then you slam the phone
You have done that
all our lives.
Running in doing your damage
then running out.
You have cause me hurts too
and I am in a wheelchair because
of one of those hurts
as much as you
tried to deny it
deep down
you know it is the truth
even your child knows
and saw when it happened.
Mom saw it happen too.
But you know?
I forgave you
I didn’t have to.
I was advised not to
but I did
you are my blood
I love you
again I had to protect you.
How many times have I protected you.
You know what I am talking about.
It is over now.
You have ended it.
This is your doing.
I have always been willing to find a common ground
but that ground could only exist if I backed down
and I refuse to back down anymore and not be an equal.
Yes I am very sad at this
and I have cried painful tears
but my tears will dry
and my pain will heal
and so…
Good Bye
I do love you.
I wish you well
but remember
this is your doing.
You have to live with this.
Not me
and as much as you try
you are not going to be able to forget me.
You are not going to be able to make me disappear.