Defining the undefined one post at a time.
There is order in the fragments.
Cups in a late night diner
are melody, stacked chairs the staff.
Chaff comes, goes, we separate
not always wisely. I hold on
too long to the discards, the stones, and rocks.
Rocks, beautiful stones arranged
worn do not feed or satisfy.
I’m down in my cups
amongst the chaff, the wind blows.
The staff has gone home. We rock
back & forth, fragments of a song
God only knows.
On a cold February afternoon 2 years ago
our lives were forever changed when
we saw your picture
we fell in love
a phone call made and lots of questions
Then off in the car
half our later you are here
you are home
our Lil’ Buddy
scared
dirty
hurting
hungry
shaking
With one tiny step at a time and lots of love
and care you bloomed
and grew to trust us
and love us…
with Bella Bird we were a family
A wonderful loving family for 2 magical years
of many cuddles, kisses, giggles, adventures, sharing food…
parties with friends
and times of companionable silence…
A blessed shining 2 years
whose light has dulled now
You are gone now our precious Lil’Buddy
Gone from this life
but a light in our hearts…
We love you..
We will never forget you sweet Bud Bud.
4 Feb 2010 Copyright catherine hayes ulasins
For All My Patience and All My Waiting. For The Simple Remedy Of A Greedy Me. Come Satisfy Me. Touch Where You Want. Explore The Depth’s Of Your Lust.
No Time Is For Granted. Our Space Is Wide With Every
Demand. I Watch You From A Far, But Feel You On My Skin..Taste You In My Mind. Mmmm Amazing How Divine..
It’s About Time. Finally Come On And Be Mine. I Got It. I Have It. You Need It. I Know You. My Mind’s Lover.
How I Crave You. Enough With The Hesitation She Doesn’t Even Love You.
It’s About Time. I’m Pushing All Your Button. I’m So Enthralled Pride is Nothing. Come On! Take What I’ve Got Coming.
Like sandpaper soaked with stolen colors ripped off the canvas of Edward Hopper’s final scene wearing a torn bloodstained turtleneck tuxedo, a silent piano player drunk from heartaches mouthed his song in broken tongues as a pencil thin prima-donna danced, frozen in time. As dawn sliced through the cover of night, his mind drifted off on a warm summer breeze and as a young girl laughed hanging upside down scantily clad in recycled afterthoughts, his body was laid to rest beneath a bed of untold lies.
So softly she stroked the sun as ripples of water washed white the weight of her weariness, her hands dripping tears. Suddenly she slipped from the sky turning back in time. Her sighed filled the dark night with worry, hovering like the bite of death. As dawn cracked light on her broken dreams, she sensed she was in a Shakespearean tragedy covered with the dust of time, dressed in rags and pointed French shoes, pondering a world without beauty.
How do I find the words…
Describe what stirs inside
of me
as I think of you
now gone
suddenly…
Tinkling laughter heard
and
sweet music remembered
from years back created
by you…
A sweet smile…
A very bright child…
A protective sister…
Rebellious daughter
but loving
yes loving…
Confusion sets in
Many waves of confusion
with building blocks of
stubborness and
non communication…
The pain of it all
then YOU putting out
your light…WHY?
Dear girl…
Still VERY MUCH
LOVED girl…
For loving you
NEVER stopped…
Things got in
the way…
Now is the time to soothe
the hurts…
Do not blame
Remember the good
Forgive
Someday
Go to the light
Rest
Be at peace…
8 January 2011 copyright catherine anne hayes
she twirled through the mists
dancing
to far away music
that she barely
could hear
the ground
was uneven
slippery
slanted
she swung out her hands
to prevent her
fall
and she awoke
in her bed
in a tumble of sheets
blinking
panting
slighting
sweating
another
disturbed dream
she stares
at nothing
nothing
to see
in the darkness
nothing
to feel
in the darkness
no comfort
to be found
in the darkness
again
she tries to sleep
maybe
this time
dreamlessly
Dear God
for once
let it be
dreamlessly…
copyright 10/25/2010 catherine anne hayes
Another year lost causes you to reflect on the past. What could you have done to make this year a little better. What could you have done to make this year and past years a little more successful. The ending of a year is like the ending of a chapter. It is exciting in a perspective to see what the next chapter will bring, but it is unsettling when you think about all the chapters you have already passed and what their conclusions were.
Depression comes with a new year. You think about the time you wasted, the time you are wasting and it demolishes you. You become a little fixated on the past until you realize there is a future. There is still a chapter you have not written. There is still a fresh sheet of unmarked paper in front of you. The title reads 2011, but it is up to you to fill the rest of the pages. The question now is how will you feel in 2011. Will you once again look back in remorse before shrugging it off and moving ahead? Or will there be no need for remorse? Will the only thing on your mind be conquering the chapter ahead reading 2012 as you did 2011’s?
Night and there is
rain in the background
hitting all the surfaces
available out of view
an invisible gamelan orchestra
of no one there
playing a song
we cannot follow to
a non-end
Machinery sporadically strums
a counter rhythm waiting
its turn, biding time
with no purpose to propose
The emptying out of all desires,
& all of day’s tasks put aside,
all love’s drama, ephemeral pauses
on the road to where we go alone
means the child and his toys
have turned to stone
When the fog abates,
euphoria is best outgrown
look/hear
before it disappears:
the sump pump dumps
& overflows
the sharp edged wind
slams ’round
like a spoiled child
in an enclosed room
light sparkles off
the shaking leaves
as we leave
observing for work
routine put away
seeing
the attention to detail,
say, in Robert Ryman’s
white canvases and the slowing
down it requires
of you