Category: Penman Lounge

I didn’t know I was different
till I was thirty three
when I was hired to work
in a well known store
back in the early 90’s
because
my skin was lighter than everyones…
I was the token

Token…
What is that word…
A thing of affection?
or
a word of shame?
well
I felt shame
and hurt
and
disappointment…

Disappointment that I was so
naive
Disappointment that
in this day and age
tokens
still exist
and
most importantly
I wondered…
How LONG will they?

It doesn’t matter
what colour
the token is
or shape
it takes
what matters is
we should have
NO NEED
of tokens
except
ones of love…
or
to get on the bus or subway…

copyright 5/28/2011 catherine anne hayes

In the nick of time
the key
to me was found
and
I found joy again
I thought
it was lost forever
covered by
sadness
illness and pain
covering me
with
premature endings
but
I guess
I was wrong
blissfully…
blatantly……
blessedly…
wrong…
In the nick of time
I found the key
In the nick of time
I took the key
and
bravely let it
insert itself
open me
again
and God
IT FELT GOOD!!

I am not in hibernation anymore!!

I thought I never would have
such sweetness again
even just once more
but I did
Ever gentle
soft
but strong
with the first touch
I was lost
I opened my eyes
to see if he was
real
and he was
and was warm
and solid
and he took me
surrounded me
brought me in
went into my depths
where my secrets hid
Did he know they
were there?
Mayybe he did
Maybe he didn’t
but
he was perfect
For this moment
Just what I needed
What I was finally ready for
Again
Finally
He was a precious gift
Will he and his sweetness
be back?
who knows
It is all right
I AM all right now
I am WHOLE again
He came at the right time
In the nick of time

copyright 29 may 2011 catherine anne hayes

The way things are
in this declining empire
and our thoughts that transpire
about the rules & “choices”
that we have are not our own.

They are the products of those
who control all that is around us.

When you live mentally inside a cage
it is hard to see “outside thinking.”

“What profit a man if he gains
the whole world, but loses his soul?”
—the Bible

In this our land that which is produced
requires an excess profit has to be made
by someone. That is the root of our problem.

Analysis: To see clearly that the material
interest of those that produce is in conflict
with those who control production.

Long ago, something was imagined that was
rational, human & democratic, and
other humans modified, distorted, & destroyed
that vision.

Karl Marx upon reading a contemporary
interpretation of his writing,(paraphrasing,)
“one thing is sure, I’m not a Marxist.”

Jesus, today would probably look at what
is created in his name by men & say,
“one this is sure, I’m not a Christian.”

“In the Soviet Union capitalism triumphed
over communism. In America capitalism
triumphed over democracy.”
—-Nora Ephron

It is time we seriously consider &
move toward a better economic system that
has as its goal the enrichment of all mankind,
not just the few.

Ways that you have. Magicianary.
Effort must have lost all appeal.
I wonder about you. And the way fingertips
dance across these follicles – all waiting for the chance

Know, that pride leaves me.
No space when that silhoutte enters.
Dawns of an old night repeat beautifully,
in peace with the ongoing surprise

May I ask? What brings the dark out to play?
What makes sacrifice and reception taste the same?
What is life, now that magic can overtake?

I’m… willing to find out.
…Now we wait.
Seeing who’s will is in love enough to break

I will not live my last hours
in fear
but full of love…
I will hold close what and who is
dear to me…
Appreciate all that has
been given to me
in this life…
These are not the end days
but
the beginning of new ones…
I am not sad or fearful…
I am happy…
I am love…

copyright catherine anne hayes 21 May 2011

Why did Jesus and Buddha have to teach others?
It sounds to me like being enlightened was not enough
So they had to share it with others

We will never know their internal dialog or reasoning to lend a helping hand
If the major role models of a religion were teachers
Is it enough to be just a follower?

Are the teachers more enlightened than the students?
Should it be your calling to spread the good word with others?
How could you justify anything else?
Would this make you altruistic or completely self centered?

Could we live like these famous teachers without religion?
If they knew they were starting a religion would they have stopped?

We don’t know about Buddha or Jesus until they were 30
Does that mean everything I do until then will be forgiven if I change the world?
Does anyone know a good school that offers a credential?
I have 4 years

I feel the best way to get over my thoughts is to accept them.
If I don’t accept my thoughts they fester in my head
I don’t accept the thoughts as truth, just their existence

Once they are acknowledged I cannot deny their existence.
I try to hold them loosely and
Not let them direct me or my expectations.

Keeping my ideas in check is a very difficult process.
Writing down my thoughts is like personal therapy
From my head into the alphabet soup on the page

By accepting my thoughts I can share them and move on
Thoughts catch up with me eventually so
Damming them is not my best approach.

The more I fight the ideas the more they fight back.
Let the idea cast the first stone
Then put it on paper.

Does it look different to you when it is written?

The greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing the world he did not exist
Make your Devil real and confront it.
Maybe you will learn something from yourself or open your eyes to new possibilities

Once you accept that you might be weird, unique, or crazy
You start to realize that dealing with your issues makes
You more human than the ever expected

You are enslaved
by your own
thoughts
assumptions
predicted norms

You just need to be you
You care too much about what people think about you
You think you know what the other person expects of you

You have no idea what others think
Let me say that again
You have no idea what others think

And if you are trying to think what other people are thinking
Then you are not thinking for yourself
And the next thing you know…

The moment has passed.
Then you are over analyzing your own actions
And not being true to yourself or the people around you

This means you perpetuate the cycle of who you want people to see you as
And not the person the really are
Making it even more difficult for you
to be your genuine self in the future

Be the most you
Let people judge
If they don’t like it
It was not meant to be

You hold the key
To your own salvation

It is almost Shabbot.
I am watching dragonflies
seamlessly float

over the lily pads which
seamlessly float

over the pond as I
seamlessly float

in a boat
over it all.

My relaxation is effortless.
My ripples are contagious.