Category: Penman Lounge

I thought I never would have
such sweetness again
even just once more
but I did
Ever gentle
soft
but strong
with the first touch
I was lost
I opened my eyes
to see if he was
real
and he was
and was warm
and solid
and he took me
surrounded me
brought me in
went into my depths
where my secrets hid
Did he know they
were there?
Mayybe he did
Maybe he didn’t
but
he was perfect
For this moment
Just what I needed
What I was finally ready for
Again
Finally
He was a precious gift
Will he and his sweetness
be back?
who knows
It is all right
I AM all right now
I am WHOLE again
He came at the right time
In the nick of time

copyright 29 may 2011 catherine anne hayes

What do I say about you..
how you found
my secret pool of desire
and deeply dipped into it’s
depths
to fervently
stir up
what has laid calm in me
way too long

You have found me out
and I am…
breathless…
Your eyes hold me
captive…
I find myself becoming
yours willing…
Take me…
With your hands
touch me
where you will…
Kiss Me
Open Me
Drink Me
Enter Me
Brand Me

I am ready for you now…
No more waiting…
You have woken
me up……
Let us begin.

1 June 2011 copyright catherine anne hayes

When
one is inspired
beauty is born
and
because of you
I
am giving birth
Such thoughts
are forming in
my mind
Words flowing
through
my fingers like
magic

Beauty is within
me
Planted by your
desire
for me
There is nothing
I can not articulate
can not formulate
can not create

I am empowered
to spin scintillating tales
and magical stories
Make sweet intense love
with
words woven with passion

With you
in my minds eye
and
inside my core
I write down the first words
and it all begins…

2 June 2011 copyright catherine anne hayes

The way things are
in this declining empire
and our thoughts that transpire
about the rules & “choices”
that we have are not our own.

They are the products of those
who control all that is around us.

When you live mentally inside a cage
it is hard to see “outside thinking.”

“What profit a man if he gains
the whole world, but loses his soul?”
—the Bible

In this our land that which is produced
requires an excess profit has to be made
by someone. That is the root of our problem.

Analysis: To see clearly that the material
interest of those that produce is in conflict
with those who control production.

Long ago, something was imagined that was
rational, human & democratic, and
other humans modified, distorted, & destroyed
that vision.

Karl Marx upon reading a contemporary
interpretation of his writing,(paraphrasing,)
“one thing is sure, I’m not a Marxist.”

Jesus, today would probably look at what
is created in his name by men & say,
“one this is sure, I’m not a Christian.”

“In the Soviet Union capitalism triumphed
over communism. In America capitalism
triumphed over democracy.”
—-Nora Ephron

It is time we seriously consider &
move toward a better economic system that
has as its goal the enrichment of all mankind,
not just the few.

Ways that you have. Magicianary.
Effort must have lost all appeal.
I wonder about you. And the way fingertips
dance across these follicles – all waiting for the chance

Know, that pride leaves me.
No space when that silhoutte enters.
Dawns of an old night repeat beautifully,
in peace with the ongoing surprise

May I ask? What brings the dark out to play?
What makes sacrifice and reception taste the same?
What is life, now that magic can overtake?

I’m… willing to find out.
…Now we wait.
Seeing who’s will is in love enough to break

I will not live my last hours
in fear
but full of love…
I will hold close what and who is
dear to me…
Appreciate all that has
been given to me
in this life…
These are not the end days
but
the beginning of new ones…
I am not sad or fearful…
I am happy…
I am love…

copyright catherine anne hayes 21 May 2011

On Judgment Day God is going to ask us if we lived our lives to the fullest extent possible. At this point, you know lying is not an option because God is all knowing.
So what if your answer to the question was “No I did not live my life to the fullest.”
God might be satisfied with the fact that we did not lie during that moment.
I am assuming the next question he would ask is “Why not?”
Because you were busy, fearful, or lacking
I wonder if that would fly with God.

So I ask you, are you truly living?
If the answer is no then what is holding you back?

My whole life I have played roles
I change roles depending who is around
My characters include: oldest son, brother, boy friend, Wayne Train, friend, co-worker, Skeevy, and Wayne Everbeck

Like most actors I enjoy having a captive audience
So in my past I usually surrounded myself with tons of people
My supporting cast determined my actions

If my personality changes depending who I am around
Then I better choose my company well.

Am I being true to myself and the people I am around if I am acting?
I don’t know how I would act if I was told to stop acting by someone.
Does everybody act differently depending on the company?
When nobody is around am I acting for myself?
Is it acting if nobody is there to witness it?
Is this person behind the actor actually me?
Who is that person?
Who am I?

Am I using people?
So that I can be perceived as a good brother, friend, or lover?

Is being good more important than the reason why?

Am I playing the best role possible or am
I just trying to avoid conflicts by adapting my behavior to the needs of others?
I will always be me because I cannot be anybody else. Right?

Playing all of these roles shapes part of my personality because
It affects how people interact with me

I know I want to be seen as favorable to others.
I want to be the best Wayne I can be.
I am just not sure about what being a great Wayne looks like?

By doing small things
That might safe time later
I realize how much I sacrifice the present to
Reward the possibility of the future

I unwrap a single toilet paper roll and
Put it under the other
Unfinished one

Knowing that if I put two
Toilet paper rolls under the first
Unfinished toilet paper roll
That it will get used up faster due to
The surplus of toilet paper

I go pee
Sitting down
So I don’t have to aim

I wonder if I should flush the toilet
I know my girlfriend doesn’t like it

I think to myself that
I will probably have to pee again before
She comes home from work

I don’t flush

I wonder if I should have brought more toilet paper
From the garage into the bathroom

Off to the garage I go.

I bring in eight rolls even though I only used one
And I didn’t even really use it

I just got it ready for when the
First toilet paper roll ends

I know other people don’t think like me

I am afraid of what I might find out
If I ask people if this is normal.

After running up a down a mountain
Come back to the house feeling accomplished
Take off my sweaty clothes
And put the wet clothes in the drier

I try very hard to be perfect
No one can complain if you don’t do anything wrong
Right?

These difficult words seem to always escape me when I am near paper

I put myself in purposeful challenging situations.
I want to explain in detail what this means but my
Intensions are questionable at best

Being average is dieing!
I want to be a role model of perseverance.
I want to be revered

Pity can only get you so far
Especially if you know it is pity that you seek
It becomes pathetic

As the strut around the house naked
Feeling a sense of pride and disgrace about my new found awareness
I am afraid of who I really am or might become

I think I have myself figured out
My ego says don’t settle
You are better than this

Reality says I have to do something
I know what I want to do
But think about the restrictions against it

I figure this out when I am in the shower
With my ego bruised I step out
I slip on the wet floor

My foot is bleeding
My body lies flat
I know I need a bandaid

But do I also need a therapist?