Category: Penman Lounge

By doing small things
That might safe time later
I realize how much I sacrifice the present to
Reward the possibility of the future

I unwrap a single toilet paper roll and
Put it under the other
Unfinished one

Knowing that if I put two
Toilet paper rolls under the first
Unfinished toilet paper roll
That it will get used up faster due to
The surplus of toilet paper

I go pee
Sitting down
So I don’t have to aim

I wonder if I should flush the toilet
I know my girlfriend doesn’t like it

I think to myself that
I will probably have to pee again before
She comes home from work

I don’t flush

I wonder if I should have brought more toilet paper
From the garage into the bathroom

Off to the garage I go.

I bring in eight rolls even though I only used one
And I didn’t even really use it

I just got it ready for when the
First toilet paper roll ends

I know other people don’t think like me

I am afraid of what I might find out
If I ask people if this is normal.

After running up a down a mountain
Come back to the house feeling accomplished
Take off my sweaty clothes
And put the wet clothes in the drier

I try very hard to be perfect
No one can complain if you don’t do anything wrong
Right?

These difficult words seem to always escape me when I am near paper

I put myself in purposeful challenging situations.
I want to explain in detail what this means but my
Intensions are questionable at best

Being average is dieing!
I want to be a role model of perseverance.
I want to be revered

Pity can only get you so far
Especially if you know it is pity that you seek
It becomes pathetic

As the strut around the house naked
Feeling a sense of pride and disgrace about my new found awareness
I am afraid of who I really am or might become

I think I have myself figured out
My ego says don’t settle
You are better than this

Reality says I have to do something
I know what I want to do
But think about the restrictions against it

I figure this out when I am in the shower
With my ego bruised I step out
I slip on the wet floor

My foot is bleeding
My body lies flat
I know I need a bandaid

But do I also need a therapist?

Why did Jesus and Buddha have to teach others?
It sounds to me like being enlightened was not enough
So they had to share it with others

We will never know their internal dialog or reasoning to lend a helping hand
If the major role models of a religion were teachers
Is it enough to be just a follower?

Are the teachers more enlightened than the students?
Should it be your calling to spread the good word with others?
How could you justify anything else?
Would this make you altruistic or completely self centered?

Could we live like these famous teachers without religion?
If they knew they were starting a religion would they have stopped?

We don’t know about Buddha or Jesus until they were 30
Does that mean everything I do until then will be forgiven if I change the world?
Does anyone know a good school that offers a credential?
I have 4 years

I feel the best way to get over my thoughts is to accept them.
If I don’t accept my thoughts they fester in my head
I don’t accept the thoughts as truth, just their existence

Once they are acknowledged I cannot deny their existence.
I try to hold them loosely and
Not let them direct me or my expectations.

Keeping my ideas in check is a very difficult process.
Writing down my thoughts is like personal therapy
From my head into the alphabet soup on the page

By accepting my thoughts I can share them and move on
Thoughts catch up with me eventually so
Damming them is not my best approach.

The more I fight the ideas the more they fight back.
Let the idea cast the first stone
Then put it on paper.

Does it look different to you when it is written?

The greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing the world he did not exist
Make your Devil real and confront it.
Maybe you will learn something from yourself or open your eyes to new possibilities

Once you accept that you might be weird, unique, or crazy
You start to realize that dealing with your issues makes
You more human than the ever expected

You are enslaved
by your own
thoughts
assumptions
predicted norms

You just need to be you
You care too much about what people think about you
You think you know what the other person expects of you

You have no idea what others think
Let me say that again
You have no idea what others think

And if you are trying to think what other people are thinking
Then you are not thinking for yourself
And the next thing you know…

The moment has passed.
Then you are over analyzing your own actions
And not being true to yourself or the people around you

This means you perpetuate the cycle of who you want people to see you as
And not the person the really are
Making it even more difficult for you
to be your genuine self in the future

Be the most you
Let people judge
If they don’t like it
It was not meant to be

You hold the key
To your own salvation

It is almost Shabbot.
I am watching dragonflies
seamlessly float

over the lily pads which
seamlessly float

over the pond as I
seamlessly float

in a boat
over it all.

My relaxation is effortless.
My ripples are contagious.

Why do only the privileged reap the benefits of psychiatric counseling, executive coaching, process consulting, private schools, and teacher’s aides?
The cycle continues
Those with more money get greater attention and resources.

To charge money for help is to perpetuate our capitalistic monetary culture.
Knowledge and help should be free and used to help us all.
Imagine having to pay a firefighter before they save you from your burning house

The health care and education institutions are broken.
At worst they are unsustainable and at best inefficient

We should provide our services for the betterment of society.
Social Scientists and Teachers should know better than to charge for their services.

I wonder what Karl Marx would say if he realized that his books needed to purchased?
Particularly by advantaged college students only for the purpose to fulfill a social science requirement for their business degree?

Change has to happen.
Why can’t we be proactive?
How bad to things need to be before the paradigm shifts?
Why does our country only come together in the face of tragedy and not opportunity?

Once we can democratize help then we can grow towards the future.
We all have gifts that need to be shared

It is not until white, middle class, heterosexual, Protestant, able bodied males
Are being affected by these difficult economic times
That our collective condition finally acknowledges national attention

When it gets to this point it’s called a Recession
For most it’s called Life.

Most of our suffering happens in our minds
It comes from assumptions, expectations, and miscommunications
I am sorry to say we are not going to reach collective enlightenment in our lifetime

Some major external catastrophes could help shake up our stupid priorities
I have my fingers crossed for 2012
We could really use a global reality check

Our brains are to individually entrenched to see the bigger picture
We cannot progress with the stagnate thinking of the past
It is almost 2010 and people are still starving and homeless

I think Maslow got it wrong.
I don’t believe that self actualization is the top of the pyramid.
I believe community actualization should be the top of the hierarchy.

I purpose the Heterarchy of Wants
“heterarchy is defined as “the relation of elements to one another when they are unranked or when they possess the potential for being ranked in a number of different ways”)”

When people start to realize how connected everyone is
Then basic needs like clean water and food will become problems of the past.
Once people’s basic needs are met then each individual can fulfill their greater purpose
Their greater purpose will satisfy their individual wants which won’t be based on greed.

The way we are living is unsustainable
The options are simple
Avoid change and get devoured
Embrace change and get empowered

My job is to find out a way to spread social consciousness
To the planet before we kill ourselves
If I do not proceed with my calling then I have
Committed social suicide

I would not be the me I want to be if
I did not help stop this crisis

Ask me about the
Social Clinic, The Year Round Outdoor School, and Live Action Career Fair
The process is the end of suffering

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heterarchy

If the most satisfaction you get from your day is crossing something off
your to do list
Then something is wrong.
It may keep you busy.
But you are really not fully present when you are doing the things on your list

You are doing them to complete them
and move onto the next item
The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Nothing on a list is holding you back
You have the potential to be perfect
The secret is happiness

Happiness is not a thing but a feeling

You know the feeling I am talking about
Even trying to describe it
Decreases its power

It can happen at any moment
You just need to be open to it
And appreciate it

These moments are what living is all about
Embrace your situation
And create heaven on earth

Personally a lot of my thought has gone into this question. So instead of thinking about an answer to this question, I decided to go for a run instead. After my run, I established that living is a privilege and should be treated as such. I live for the present moment. I allow myself for some personal time to center myself for the whole day. This relaxation allows me to calm down and to avoid getting wrapped up in superficial things. I try to slow my mind down and focus on my breathing. Only when I am truly relaxed can I appreciate the present moment and enjoy life for what it is, not what I expect or want it to be. This space is where the truth and happiness lies.

Wayne Everbeck
Age 25